2014 in review: How we surf for sex

2014-12-17 15:47

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Pornhub and PornMD (two of the globes largest online porn providers) have revealed how South Africans get off online and in case you haven’t figured yet, we make for an interesting bunch. From what I can collate South Africans are searching for a very specific fantasy which, if its possible to sum up in a personals advert, would read something like this:

SEEKING: A mature woman (MILF) named ‘Anthea/Lisa Ann’ who likes to cast her twink-ish son on film. Anthea/Lisa would preferably be Indian with a ‘booty’ that is larger than her/their ‘boobs’. She would be Muslim and partly emo and enjoy giving regular blowjobs but wouldn’t mind occasionally being forced into giving them. She would vaguely resemble Kim Kardashian and also be into yoga, smoking, squirting (that’s a big plus) and occasional lesbian activities with black/ebony women.

If this personal made little sense take a quick look at PornMD's list of their most popular search terms in South Africa:

Top searches on PornMD:

1. mature

2. anthea son casting

3. emo

4. muslim girl blowjob

5. photoshoot

6. forced

7. beautiful

8. south africa

9. black teen

Pornhubs annual search report

The above is wildly confluent but it does give some indication of what we’re looking for, or rather what we’re ‘searching’ for when we’re surfing sex. Users tend to think that their searches remain locked up on their computers, phones or tablets but, in a truly shattering moment of privacy awareness, the research pinpoints exactly that the majority of porn users browse on a desktop computer, mainly on a Windows operating system and that South Africans are second to the United Kingdom for their enormous consumption of porn on Blackberry devices (I can see no other reason why people would use them).

Reports like these are devised according to country, province/state and then gender. The operators further whittle down the stats into pages viewed and the amount of time spent on each of them. This information finally results in how long a person spent using the site. The report can then go on to conclude how much time is spent between beginning and ending a session on the site, per province, resulting in Pornhubs annual report on how long men last, per province, before ejaculating. They call it a stamina report.

Who are the worlds stealthiest screen lovers? In third place our neighbours in Botswana take more than 13:45 to blow the bucket, China comes next in the race to hit that high at 14.34 and Western Saharans charge ever forward in their incredible ability to delay the deluge taking an impressive 16:16 minutes to finish. In probably the greatest win of the year Johannesburg leads the race locally, taking on average 10.36 minutes to come to completion. The Western Cape beats out KZN’s 10.27 to finish at 10.31.

January is, reportedly, the most popular month to browse porn in South Africa – July is the least. Tuesday is the most popular day of the week to browse while Sunday is a browsers day of rest. The best time to get off is between 10pm and 12 am when typically a user would visit 7.5 different pages with an average South African session taking 10:27 minutes.

Interestingly, the report reveals that when South Africans mourned the death of Madiba the site saw a 22% decrease in the average usage during the four hours of the funeral but that the site usage nearly tripled in the hours following.

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