A bit of flower power goes a long way

2010-03-27 08:51

I

WON’T call “us” a battle of the sexes.

Yes,

we have tiffs when his last word is usually the ridiculous “Don’t be a woman

about this”. “This” is usually public displays of affection (PDA). I ­also can’t

stop raising the giving of flowers and tokens of love; he is fixated with the

idea that not all women want or like flowers.

I

am all for the bum pinch and getting into this relationship ­after dog years of

being single; I am barking to make up for lost time with very subtle gestures of

affection for each other?– say holding hands when we are walking alone, and the

odd peck on chin and good old bum pinch.

They

happen, but last as long as it takes for him to remember that he is messing with

his street credibility.

I

have noticed that many men have this anti-PDA perception, minus on Phuza

Thursday and other “cosmopolitan” adult play dates legends are made of.

He

also does not do flowers or follow (who knows whose?) trends like Valentine’s

Day (of course), Christmas (for good measure) and Mother’s Day (for

effect).

And

you know what his last word was when he was going to a beach party? “I expect

that you will tidy up,” pointing at the bed and scattered newspapers.

I

was on my laptop writing, and just said “of course” – not “I am working and

running way late for the beach party”. It’s my version of getting on with the

gender roles.

I

am cool with pseudo house- keeping. And I generally believe a woman has the

right to cook her heart out for a man without a brother lambasting her for

moving too fast, as I have heard some men say in the many bars, clubs, cafes and

everywhere I spent my twenties doing groundwork on the differences between the

sexes.

We

seem stuck on my need for romance and his reluctance to express it on what he

says are my “terms”.

He

will then mumble about ­“African man”, different ways of expressing romance and

affection and how a woman (me), expecting flowers to the point of nationalising

the news, takes away the spontaneity blah blah blah...

It’s

a sentiment expressed by a lot of men. “Don’t ask for flowers”, they say. “You

will get them in my time”, they promise. And then declare that getting the

Sunday papers, milk and bread is romantic instead of just a prelude to a

sandwich most likely to be made by the woman.

And

most of the live-in couples I have observed and overheard seem to have perfected

the domestic expectations placed on women.

Men

do their bit as well; but I am at that stage where the only man I want bringing

home the bacon is the organic pig farmer.

I

think men ought to be bringing home flowers.

I

am yet to meet a woman who does not love getting flowers from her beau.

Getting

flowers is to women what the colour pink is to little girls. Women who “do not

want” them have accepted that their man is “not the flower kind”.

Receiving

them is wonderful; and though I know there are ­other ways of floating on air –

say drugs – I prefer flowers. Or a bottle of red wine, a pack of smarties, sour

worms – anything that resembles PDA. Which is never bread and milk.

Men

would be wise to stop questioning and start acting on the fact.


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