A pigment of the imagination

2014-07-07 14:00

In South Africa, the fastest way to get your own TV channel is not by curing HIV/Aids or saving babies, or even being a talented talk show host, it’s by “accidentally” killing a white woman.

Just ask Oscar Pistorius. Of course, this will only work for you if you are an internationally acclaimed Paralympian and, of course, if you’re white.

Coincidentally, the Oscar trial channel seems to have more white people on it than kykNET.

Now it turns out Oscar isn’t specifically crazy. He’s just your average, everyday kind of white South African nut. The kind that has better security and is the target of less violent crime more than anyone else, and lives in the paranoia that they are a target.

From the same philosophical farm school, AfriForum?–?that bastion of baasskap backwardness?–?now has a programme called “Stop die Moorde” (stop the murders). This because in their minds even rhinos are having an easier time than the apartheid beneficiary club that is their membership.

It’s a pity AfriForum wasn’t shouting “stop die moorde” in the 1980s when their membership had the power and people were really dying.

Think of all the lives you could have saved, AfriForum.

In fact, race-blind racism (or as the DA calls it, “nonracialism”) is generally on the rise.

This is where a white DA MP portrays ANC voters as dogs and conveniently forgets that 97% of ANC voters are black: “I hate it when I call black people dogs and race-obsessed people think I am being racist.”

Part of the problem is that many white South Africans get most of what they know about the struggle from the movie Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom and Johnny Clegg songs.

Ask an average white South African if they know who Mzekezeke is, and nine times out of 10 they’ll say “no”. Reason being Mzekezeke doesn’t feature alongside Idris Elba in Long Walk to Freedom. Trick question, bonus score.

The point is that apartheid was like Discovery Health. It had benefits that privileged some and excluded others. But unlike Discovery, apartheid made the nonmembers carry the cards.

My beef with the DA’s brand of nonracialism is that you know you benefited from race when you spend all your time trying to convince people to stop talking about it. It’s like when an apartheid beneficiary says: “Get over the past, get over it.” But let one black guy get their job and suddenly they can remember the past, in HD nogal!

The DA claims to have a land reform policy outside of the one we all know as Pam Golding. They also claim to support affirmative action, but don’t. No they do. But maybe not. Nobody really knows.

All I know is that they could learn from the EFF’s switchboard: “For a farm, press 1. For a gold mine, press 2. For both, please go to Zimbabwe.”

Missing is South Africa’s top puppet political analyst.

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