Chester Missing: Don’t kill the booer

2013-12-16 10:00

Let’s agree, it’s going to be awkward when Barack Obama gets his e-toll bill for his drive to the FNB Stadium.

Apparently, there were close to 100 countries represented at the service on Tuesday, including Cape Town and Nkandla.

The only incident that occurred was when people booed President Jacob Zuma. He’s working on lyrics to a new struggle song right this minute. It’s called “kill the booer”.

Madiba devoted his life to affording South Africans the right to boo their leaders if they wanted to, and what’s a boo to a guy who owns his own fire pool?

If you aren’t in on the presidential fire pool situation, a fire pool is what you get when a fire shower isn’t safe enough.

I’m glad we cleared up the fact that the Nkandla swimming pool, paid for by taxpayers, is for firefighting – because some comrades thought it was a tank for Khulubuse. Is the ANC turning into a pool party?

The problem with Nkandla is that it gives the media licence to be anti-Zuma. How can we ignore a marquee labelled as a security upgrade? You know you are serious about getting married when the state decides to build you a marquee for safety reasons.

Don’t get me wrong. The world is full of ridiculous things. We now even have “flavoured” beer, as if light beer wasn’t lame enough. And the US has a shopping frenzy after Thanksgiving called Black Friday because calling it White Monopoly Capitalism Day would be awkward. Madness.

And, yes, it is terrible the Nkandla Report was leaked illegally. But let’s get some perspective: our president didn’t notice a fire pool being built at his house, so leaking some papers is probably easy.

Maybe the secret service dudes didn’t notice the Nkandla report slipping out because someone labelled it “Sheryl Cwele”. We will never know.

Some die-hards are petitioning to have the president impeached.

President Zuma survived apartheid, rape charges, corruption charges and getting fired, and they think signing a silly petition will bring him down. The only way to catch Zuma is if he also forgets to pay his e-tolls. But the fact is, leaked documents don’t tell the whole story.

Look on the bright side.

Madiba passed away more than a week ago and there is still no white genocide. This is not good for the Steve Hofmeyr marketing campaign.

I think we need more Madiba vibes. For example, Mandela definitely thought like an African in Africa. Along with the sadness, South Africans did act more like a nation when he passed. It’s like all of us lost a grandfather on the same day.

Besides, if Madiba really was the puppet of the white man, as some have insinuated, his name would have been “Nelson Missing”.

»?@chestermissing is a puppet political analyst on eNCA’s LNN with Loyiso Gola

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