Chester Missing: Steve Hofmeyr, CEO of racist sugar daddies, saves the ANC

2013-10-21 10:00

It’s official, Zulu has a new word: ‘etolls’. Its direct translation is: “Give Gauteng to the DA”. But the ANC might have been saved by our right-wing slut Nazi, Steve Hofmeyr, the CEO of racist sugar daddies.

He called on his 400 most oppressed pale comrades and organised a march.

They even had boerie rolls because these impoverished asylum seekers can afford their own catering.

Identity politics is making a move.

Middle-of-the-road white South Africans, on the other hand, want to pretend they don’t have a race.

Race, to many of these citizens, is like Bette Midler’s preplastic surgery pics: it reminds them of an ugly past.

They want the nonracial rainbow dream: Madiba shirts, wire toys and more Jacobs than Gedleyihlekisas – because 350 years is just too long to learn to actually speak Zulu.

On the bright side, they also seemed to reject some of Grand Dragon Steve’s more ridiculous ideals, but that’s partly because this was the easy racism, the racism that we can see.

It’s only when you start talking workers’ rights or aggressive broad-based BEE that the underlying Steve Hofmeyr Syndrome kicks in (sounds like a venereal disease).

The Steve Hofmeyr Syndrome makes you shout “reverse racism” whenever anyone tries to fix the past. It’s like a hijacker calling the police officer who arrests him a “reverse hijacker”.

No doubt sex-ed at these homes doesn’t involve vaginas, just reverse penises.

I expect that the BEE debate will be a central noise in the upcoming general election. Take Gold Fields’ BEE associate, Baleka Mbete, who apparently got R28?million for doing absolutely nothing, like a revolutionary Paris Hilton.

The debate is only fair if you include the puppet and the puppeteer.

She got the money from Gold Fields’ CEO, Nick Holland. Now there’s a surname for a colonialist.

I hear Agang SA’s multimillionaire boss, Mamphela Ramphele, has denounced BEE. It’s always easier to denounce the buffet after you have had your lunch.

The religious noises coming from the ANC are similarly also identity games.

Comrade President is trying to convince us we must respect leaders, who he thinks are connected to God.

This is from a guy who obnoxiously fired a sitting president.

God isn’t with all leaders, just the Nkosi from Nkandla it seems.

Julius Malema took the obvious next step when he heard that the ANC will rule until Jesus returns: he went looking for Jesus.

Julius also said he’s not being racist, just honest. Yup, that’s what you say when you are being racist.

Finally, my reply to Steve’s people: if you believe white people on farms are so oppressed (they aren’t), there is an obvious win-win solution – give back the farms.

»?@chestermissing is a political analyst puppet on LNN on eNCA

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