Get your freak on

2014-09-18 18:45

We are nearing the end of 2014 and are at our most advanced in terms of technology and knowledge.

It’s the friggin’ information age ffs. Even when it comes to sexuality, a subject still dogged by taboos, there’s enough easily available research out there to teach us about the diverse variety of sexual interests and preferences,

Even if reading articles and research is not your thing (thanks to the almost perfect marriage between pornography and the internet), if you are someone with the slightest bit of sexual curiosity, you can’t miss the diversity of kinky.

Yet we still police sexuality, we judge it when it’s different from our own, and there’s a whole bunch of people who think its expression should be limited to only the most vanilla practices. Nothing wrong with vanilla if that’s the flavour you like, just let me have my rum and raisin if that’s my thing.

Among my group of friends, we try to encourage honest conversations around sex. This, in turn, has led me to interesting anecdotes about sexuality.

There’s the friend who recently found herself in a new relationship with a man she finds absolutely perfect, except for one thing, he is completely asexual. As in, he is not interested in sex with her or anyone else of the opposite or same gender, but he is totally into her in a romantic way.

To make up for it, he has even suggested that she must occasionally seek out other sexual partners to satisfy herself, just as long as she comes back home at the end of the day. It didn’t really work for her after a while, so she let that go.

Then there’s another friend who practically lives on Grindr, the sex hook-up app for guys that uses your phone’s GPS system to help you find, chat and possibly hook up with other guys who are nearby. He is using it a minimum of five nights a week.

Even when he has attempted monogamous relationships, he finds he still wants to get it on with other people?–?a situation that has led him to decide that monogamy is not for him.

He eventually met someone who feels the same way, and the two of them are giving it a go in an open relationship.

This reminds me of another happy monogamous relationship that fell apart because one of the partners was hooked on exchanging pictures and masturbating with other people online via a webcam.

No actual physical contact, and no intention to, just online stuff, but it just didn’t work for his partner.

While we’re still on the subject of monogamy, I also recently had a chat with another friend who has been married for 10 years.

Looking at it from the outside, his marriage seems normal, whatever that is. He and his wife are affectionate but not too much, nothing out of the ordinary, which is why I got a bit of a shock when he told me they had not had sex in six months.

Since that chat, I’ve had a few more conversations with people in long-term relationships. It’s enlightening to discover how many go for weeks, and some for months, without sex.

Judging by my own and other people’s experiences, I’ve yet to find the sexual norm.

I should probably disclose that I’ve been in a long-term monogamous situation for the past seven years.

But even that has changed and evolved over the years so much that I can’t define its sexual “norm”.

There are people with zero desire, there are people with too much desire, there are fetishes, kinks, and all sorts of ways to get off.

So f**k the norm and f**k shame, as long as you are not causing unwelcome harm to another, get your freak on, and talk about it too, and we all might just find out that our own sexual situations are not so weird.

I myself have a specific sexual moment that’s always stayed with me.

It involves one end of a leather tie around my neck and the other end tied to other parts of me as I reached the top, but that’s another story for another day.

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