Great work, guys

2013-04-29 13:19

You can’t say the cats that get the big cash for running Durban into the ground waste time. Not them. Last week, our first citizen with the grill, James Nxumalo; along with his sidekick with the flick, speaker Logie Naidoo, go to Jozi to attend Municipal Incompetence 101.

Our men are dedicated. They take a whole mob of city muppets along. After all, the city’s budget is bigger than that of most provinces.

They’re hardly off the plane at King Shaka and they’re busy – implementing all those new tricks they learnt from their genius GP comrades.

There’s cellphones, bodyguards, limousines, blue lights, suits and briefcases everywhere. There’s traffic cops on motorbikes. There’s orders being barked out like machine gun bullets.

They’re ushered into their convoy. The blue lights and sirens go cacophonic. James is an iPad man. He wants every councillor to get a free one. And a bicycle. All on the taxpayer. James is on his iPad calling up his notes. By the time their convoy hits City Hall, the plan for the week is ready. It’s pure genius.

There are these sand sculptors at the beachfront. They make statues out of sand on the public beaches. Some of their work is pretty damn good. Tourists take pictures and toss them coins. They don’t sell crack, or whoonga, or mug people.

There’s a big problem: the sculptors don’t have a permit. They’re breaking the law. The city, it seems, has bylaws that outlaw sand sculpting.

None of this artistic nonsense and creativity bollocks, it seems. It’s time for the iron fist. It’s time to get all Red Ants on the sculptors’ asses.

Five minutes later, the beachfront’s locked down like Boston. The Babylon’s everywhere. The sculptors and their offending work are surrounded from three sides.

The phalanx of blue moves forward, stomping and smashing the sculptures into oblivion in a flurry of boots and batons.

Great work, guys.

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