Hated It: African Crafts Witch Doctor Fortune Bag

2014-05-11 15:00

Curio shops have always been stocked with creepy reminders of deepest, darkest Africa ­– warrior shields, replica San artwork and dodgy ostrich shells.

But a new piece of the motherland has appeared that outdoes them all: the African Crafts Witch Doctor Fortune Bag, courtesy of R&R Traders.

“Do you dare to throw these bones and stones?” challenges their website.

“It must be during a new moon and you must follow guidance and breathe your essence into the bag before they are thrown?...?If you have ‘the gift’ and are not afraid to follow the steps, you will be amazed. Everything you need is in the bag.”

Everything? Does that include cultural sensitivity, or is that sold separately? Those with “the gift” can buy a DIY sangoma kit for R520.

R&R Trader’s website opens in poorly-translated isiZulu and says that it “provides a means to obtain authentic, handmade collectibles from the great ‘dark continent’ of Africa”.

Their extensive product list includes “native paintings” (because, of course, natives are one big group), images of “tribal dancers from the Ivory Coast” (because there is only one tribe in Ivory Coast), and 100?trillion Zimbabwean dollars on sale, also for R520 a piece.

Please, make it stop.

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