I shot the taxman

2013-07-15 13:10

It’s Sunday morning. I’m up with the birds – as opposed to the more customary drifting off to their twittering. The result of a teetotaling Saturday evening. I must be getting old. Or soft. Or both.

Small James, my younger spawn, is moaning. He does that. Not about a sober Daddykins torturing him awake at a fiendishly early hour. Well, he is a bit. Harper Junior’s major gripe is that he has to file his first tax return. The same week the muppet with whom he shares a surname and residential address shot the taxman.

Small James doesn’t do well with the system at the best of times. Genetic, I guess. Maybe the tattoos. The Oxfam wardrobe. The uMsinga ears. The clever mouth.

Small James is panicking. Small James reckons I’ve painted a target on his back. Marked him for life. Small James is convinced Daddykins has set him up for a serious going-over. Nine-hour queues. The microscope treatment. Latex-gloved auditors and repeat cavity searches in a basement at Pixley ka Seme Street. No rebate from Oupa 2.0. Ever.

I wind Small James up as much as I can. I have to. It’s my duty. Small James is United scum. And the fruit of my loins.

Small James’ paranoia is not misplaced. The taxman is not to be messed with. Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s and we’re cool. If not, two in the chest and one in the head. Ask Al Capone.

Ask Timmy Marimuthu. Timmy’s the former button merchant who set the honey trap that got Oupa nailed. And he’s the Cat in the Hat’s bra. Timmy reckons Sars has hit his family hard. Timmy’s wife’s been audited. Timmy’s son-in-law has been audited. Timmy reckons that even his domestic worker has been audited. Sars is just warming up with Timmy.

Don’t mess with the taxman.

Mess even less with the taxman’s boss.

Pravin Gordhan. Pravin used to be the taxman. Pravin is from Prince Edward Street. Pravin was my man Poojah Uncle’s neighbour. That’s when Pravin was PG. Pravin’s a straight arrow kind of cat. Low-key but really serious. No Facebook during working hours. No trying to get some at the taxpayer’s expense. No lying when you blow it.

Do your job. Play by the rules. Dance. Or get off the floor. Amen.

Join the conversation!

24.com encourages commentary submitted via MyNews24. Contributions of 200 words or more will be considered for publication.

We reserve editorial discretion to decide what will be published.
Read our comments policy for guidelines on contributions.

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
0 comments
Comments have been closed for this article.

Inside News24

 
/News

Book flights

Compare, Book, Fly

Traffic Alerts
Traffic
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.