It’s not a pope, it’s a Putco bus

2013-03-24 10:00

Black smoke, black smoke, black smoke. It’s not a pope, it’s a Putco bus.

The whole world watched the Vatican for white smoke, black smoke or green smoke.

Green smoke would mean Herschelle Gibbs is the new pope, and if you couldn’t tell if the smoke was black or white, then it would be Trevor Noah.

We live in a new era, comrades.

A pope has not resigned in 600 years until Benedict XVI. Now Francis has to answer for the carbon tax from all that smoke.

Can you imagine the papal exit interview? “The office politics were killing me. The boss thought he was God.”

Apparently he didn’t feel like dealing with the paedophilia issues in the Catholic Church.

Even our Health Minister Aaron Motsoaledi, after findings of a 25% prevalency of HIV among schoolgirls in KwaZulu-Natal, is speaking out against sugar daddies, or in the Catholic sense, “sugar fathers”.

How does a society become so sick?

This week, I interviewed Motsoaledi and asked him if his fight against sugar daddies was a political move into the anti-Jacob Zuma camp.

The problem is we live in a world of fallen heroes.

Apparently even Cosatu boss Zwelinzima Vavi might be dodgy. One thing is for sure, if Vavi got underhand moola, he definitely didn’t spend it on clothing.

Look at how broke Juju is. The skhotane of Breitling and the man we used to call kingmaker. Julius, you are not meant to be your own gold-digger.

Our politics are getting so rough, politicians are exposing themselves, literally.

Apparently, former Mbombela mayor and now diplomat, Lassy Chiwayo, was found walking naked through Shanghai, China.

I suspect psychologists will reveal he was looking for the road to Bangkok, Thailand. Is political and moral high ground a thing of the past?

Who would have imagined Zuma would end up dissolving the leadership of the place where he had his first big victory, Polokwane.

Although, thinking about it, the SABC board, Limpopo’s provincial executive committee and the ANC Youth League are all being “dissolved”.

It’s like someone at Luthuli House Googled a new word this week.

And the youth wage subsidy? We have the ANC taking on DA policy, while Cosatu embraces ANC policy, factions I tell you .

We even have DA leader Helen Zille being bitten by rats in her garden (true story).

I suspect Numsa’s Irvin Jim will take responsibility for the rat, but my bet is it was sent by the Gupta’s to get their 2g of flesh back.

Maybe the problem in our society starts with the fact that Axe makes all its money getting teenage boys to think they can get lucky; and some Catholic priests are still, ironically, giving upright gay men a bad name.

» Missing is a puppet political analyst on e.tv’s Late Nite News with Loyiso Gola

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