I’ve recently started lying about my age

2012-10-25 12:09

I can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened, but over time, my age has simply become more difficult to say.

I used to be an old soul, and was proud of having a mature mind with a body waiting to catch up.

Well, my body has caught up now (and maybe even surpassed it), so I’ve gone from being an intriguing old soul to, well, just old.

I started by removing my date-of-birth from Facebook. I wasn’t lying then, I just wasn’t telling.

I subsequently started hiding my ID book and driver’s license.

Where I once brandished these symbols of passage with zeal (dodgy mugshots aside), I now began to guard them with my (very short) life.

And then I began to lie. Straight-up lie.

To bouncers outside a club door (no longer increasing my age to get in, but decreasing it to seem like I belong there). To colleagues and acquaintances.

On forms and electronic registration pages.

To the exercise bike at the gym. My age is the numerical Voldemort; it shall not be mentioned.

What I’m really doing is simply tweaking an arbitrary human construct.

This is activism, dammit – I’m taking a stand against false societal norms and ageism.

What would really be deceptive is if I told my real age, and gave people the impression that I am a wholly actualised, responsible human being.

I recall a conversation I shared with my mom on my 18th birthday.

Over coffee cake she flippantly mentioned how I would have to celebrate this day for a few years to come.

It turns out she’d been stuck at a certain 40-something for a while, and that the numbers game she’d been dabbling in would have to become inherited.

So I’m 21 until further notice.

I’ll let you know when my maturity level matches my birth certificate.

» Lindokuhle Nkosi is a freelance writer, overrated typist and word pimp.

» Get your iMag with City Press on Sunday


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