My exciting nocturnal activities

2012-08-11 07:17

There were four in the bed, and the Mommy one said: ‘There’s a foot on my throat. Roll over.’

I’m a snuggly person; always have been. My husband? Not so much.

It seems, however, that snuggle is a dominant gene, as we have built two uber-snugglers.

Which has made for some interesting bed antics over the last decade.

First off … unlike recent reports about the Swedish, Andreas and I are not big on having sex while children are actually in the bed, asleep or not.

Call us old-fashioned, gauche or whatever, it’s just not a line we’ve been willing to cross.

So while there has been a lot of exciting in-and-out bed movement, all through the wee hours of the last decade, disappointingly little of it has been of the X-rated kind.

But that’s not to say it hasn’t been interesting. You can learn a lot about your kids from how they cajole their way into your (now) king-sized bed.

My oldest, Josef, is the more logical of the two. I also feel that while he pays lip service to charm, his half-German side comes out in the middle of the night and brooks little in the way of pleasantries.

‘You smell like spring flowers,’ he once told me flatly, as a tousled, deadpan five-year-old. ‘Now budge up.’ Clearly, results-orientated with some sense of quid pro quo.

Benjamin, on the other hand, is all about the feelings. He has perfected the silent creep, pounce and ‘assume the perfect position’ move.

Which means that before I am even aware of his ‘request’, I’m ensconced in award-winning spoonage, often with a little higher grade leg tangle thrown in.

Why wait to see if a compliment is going to turn my corner of the duvet, when you can get your body right into it? I am a sucker for this instant spoon approach.

‘Are you harbouring a kid on your side?’ Andreas will ask suspiciously from his wedge of the bed, as I spoon a blissful Benj to within an inch of his life.

‘I hear twice as much breathing.’

‘Maybe I’m getting a cold,’ I’ll respond, cunningly dodging the question.

‘She’s spooning Ben,’ Josef will confirm in the dark, from Dreas’s side. ‘Dad? You smell like autumn leaves. Now budge up.’

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