My heteronormative lapse

2013-02-17 10:00

Yes, I know one should never say never, but I’m never getting married again.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I felt the need to marry in the first place. I guess I have to admit it was social pressure.

Pressure to be a good gay. After all, we had fought for this right for years and now that we had won it, what were we going to do with it?

Pressure to be an acceptable son. Would my gayness be less frightening to my family if I was a stable, married man?

Pressure to secure a more grounded life financially?

I’ll admit to all three.

I learnt that the fight for the right to gay marriage was also the fight for the right to gay divorce.

I learnt that gay couples can’t reinvent marriage.

It’s an outmoded hetero institution designed to crank out the survival of the ­species and satisfy social norms which, ­frankly, are more of a restraint than a ­freedom.

Strike up a violin for this last bit: Mostly, though, I learnt that you can’t own anyone and there’s an insidious odour of ownership in that marriage certificate.

If you love yourself and your individuality enough, you won’t feel the need to cling.

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