Paddy Harper keeps his mouth shut

2013-10-21 11:42

My old man’s name is Gerald. Gerald’s a pretty serious timer. Gerald’s outlived most of his enemies. And his friends. Gerald’s survived cancer. Spent 10 days on life support. Came back from the dead. Like Lazarus. Gerald’s still going strong.

Gerald also survived having an alcoholic wife, a junkie son and a drug-mule daughter. Gerald brought up his grandsons.

Gerald’s this skilled migrant worker who’s wandered the planet building ships. Gerald even built strike craft and armoured cars for the Nats.

Gerald has lots of theories about the world. I guess you get like that when you’ve been around as long as he has. Gerald has two pretty basic theories, though.

The first, and this one I’ve also found the most difficult to abide by, is that a wise man knows when to shut the f**k up.

I’m not very wise, nor have I listened to Gerald very often.

This time I will. And keep my mouth shut about last week’s explosion at City Press.

The Commander in Chief must be pleased, though – his kinda payback. Tormentors being tormented by fellow tormentors. Needlers being needled by fellow needlers. And the bonus: the media has been so busy with City Press that Number 1 could have got married again and done another “security upgrade’’, and nobody would have noticed.

Cool and the gang.

I can picture Sunday morning at Nxamalala. The Commander in Chief is af-cooling on the couch in his pyjamas. Number 1’s grinning like a Patagonian toothfish. Laughing like a drain. Mopping tears of mirth with a crumpled request-for-information slip from Thuli’s office.

The commander hasn’t laughed like this since Chris Nicholson dropped the bomb on TM1. Back in the good old Zunami days.

Mac’s lost it. Mac’s bouncing up and down on the couch next to Number 1. Mac’s all goatee and teeth. There’s a big pile of Sunday papers next to him. There’s zip about the Commander in Chief. Except where he’s opening stuff.

Mac’s gleefully scrolling through all the hits on “City Press race row” on his iPad. This is like Christmas in October, baby.

Enjoy guys. This one’s on us. See you next time.

The week has vindicated my “Harper don’t tweet’’ policy, though. Big time. Plus I’m taking all those pictures of my naked pink ass on empty beaches off Facebook.

Gerald’s other central theory is also pretty simple. Gerald believes people will continue to be obsessed with race until the inevitable happens and we’re all of mixed race. Until then, we’re screwed.

I reckon Gerald’s right.

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