Soccer schmoccer

2010-07-10 12:27

If one more person tells me how great soccer is, I’m going to stick

my head into an oven.

Of course I think it’s a big deal that South Africa is hosting the

game’s greatest tournament. And yes, I know it is history in the making – the

first soccer World Cup to be held on the African continent.

However, I’m not head over heals about the so-called beautiful

game.

Besides the fact that I think soccer does a sloppy job of being

modern man’s substitute for war, I was over-exposed to this tardy contest as a

child growing up in the township.

I find soccer’s method too convoluted and slow at getting to the

point: 22 men chasing each other for ninety minutes while monitored by an older

quartet of officials sometimes to no avail, which means that goals are likely to

be over-celebrated when they do happen.

Look at the story of our national team, for example. We even need

to be reminded to support them for patriotic reasons.

Can you imagine a boxing championship bout going without score for

more than three rounds? And that’s only nine minutes, by the way.

You see, unlike the sometimes fruitless attempts at kicking the

proverbial pig’s bladder into the net, gladiators know how to get to work.

Some may feel it’s an unfair comparison but it’s about creating the

semblance of war, right?

My main qualm is an over-immersion in soccer that I suffered as a

kid. This made football the main subject of my childhood rebellions against my

father, albeit silently.

Against my unspoken preference, because I don’t think I had a

choice in the matter, far too many times was I dragged along to the regular

soccer frenzies at the stadium or wherever the game’s devotees were

gathered.

Because we shared an unquestionable passion for boxing, my dad

assumed it was the same with football. It wasn’t but I could not protest.

So we stood side-by-side every week, arguing about which is the

greatest soccer team in the world, Kaiser Chiefs or Orlando Pirates.

The males in my family would be engaged in a verbal battle to

determine the pre-eminence of either one of the two teams.

The whole thing would get even more abusive for me on a derby

weekend with Amakhosi going against e’Zimnyama nge nkani. The old man was a

Pirate devotee, you see.

That means he had the black and white attire to go with it,

decorated helmets and all. And not just for him either, he had a uniform made

for me too.

So there I’d be, a poor 10-year-old boy forced to play mascot in

the company of roaring soccer fanatics, all bent on trumpeting their team’s

greatness.

Adding to our cavalry would be my old man’s other constant

sidekick, my uncle who, without fail, would arrive in his white Chrysler

Valiant, clad in one of those Pirates-themed jump suits and painted

gumboots.

Dragged along to this would be my cousin – another mascot en route

to the crazy carnival at the stadium.

This was long before vuvuzelas replaced

the battery-powered sirens.

Amid the din and howls of fervour, this would-be vegetarian was

stuffed with boerewors rolls and gallons of cola.

Oh and yes, the big boys savoured their beer nice and frosty. And

all I could think of was getting back home to watch a good fight.

Imagine the sort of trauma such an experience can cause.

So askies, but I’ve had my fair share of the madness.

And if you think the opposite, tough!


Join the conversation!

24.com encourages commentary submitted via MyNews24. Contributions of 200 words or more will be considered for publication.

We reserve editorial discretion to decide what will be published.
Read our comments policy for guidelines on contributions.

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
0 comments
Comments have been closed for this article.

Inside News24

 
/News

Book flights

Compare, Book, Fly

Traffic Alerts
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.