The great SA soap opera

2013-04-21 10:00

The Mandelas are fighting over money, Margaret Thatcher is dead, the ANC?Youth League’s leadership has been replaced by puppets and Trevor Manuel thinks we should stop blaming apartheid.

Anything is possible right now. The only certainty is change?.?.?.?and that Kenny Kunene has a venereal disease.

Power has shifted since Juju’s days, and that always means a change in relationships. Did you see Blade lashing out at Vavi the other day?

It’s not an alliance, it’s a soapie with communists: The Blade and the Beautiful. I am totally freaked out by the Mandelas fighting over money. It’s like catching the Smurfs doing crack. This is what happens if you see your grandpa on a R100 note.

Now the youth league has a “national task team”, of which many members have family connections to senior ANC cadres. Did the interview process comprise one question: “Who’s your daddy?”

Will this team be able to create actual change? They’ve got Shaka Sisulu. Maybe they hope the ANC’s enemies have a lisp or mfecane issues?

Then, regarding whether the ANC should or shouldn’t blame apartheid, I saw the presidency say on Twitter: “There is no contradiction between President Zuma and Minister Manuel.” Maybe Uncle Mac could clarify?

So the ANC is a socialist, capitalist, conservative, progressive, political party and investment group that is for and against blaming apartheid?

With the amount of spin coming out of Mac Maharaj, it’s a wonder Samsung hasn’t named a washing machine after him.

Don’t get me wrong, the whole world is full of such madness. We have white people talking about how Van Riebeeck “discovered” South Africa, which is like saying hijackers “discover” BMWs.

White grannies called into radio stations praising ANC-hater the “Iron Lady”. I am sure somewhere in SA there was someone who thought this

was about a famous domestic worker. My first reaction after hearing Maggie was dead was: “Did Oscar do it?”

The problem is that, really, some things haven’t changed at all. How, in 2013, do we have UCT students thinking white people are sexier than everyone else?

Apparently, UCT students have sex in the same way as they vote. How are we ever going to get Muslim bras to play rugby when there’s a team called Crusaders?

Regarding the Boston bombings, I hear that US police said that they “suspect a dark-skinned male”. They’ll soon be suspecting a guy called Barak.

We need to shake things up. Look at the German women who got undressed and ran around naked to protest Vladimir Putin being there. Just don’t try that one on Msholozi.

»?Missing is a puppet political analyst on e.tv’s Late Nite News with Loyiso Gola

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