The most biting Fifty Shades reviews

2015-02-16 14:21

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The much anticipated film adaptation of erotic fiction Fifty Shades of Grey screened on Valentine’s Day and pretty much smashed the local box office this weekend.

Ster Kinekor reported on Sunday that “it achieved its biggest box office for a single day in the company’s recorded history.” The cinema group even had to open up more venues to accommodate viewers.

But despite crowds queuing for tickets (many simply out of sheer curiosity), what was the movie like?

Well, according to noted movie critics, it’s an absolute dud.

#Trending rounded up the most scathing snippets from reviews of the film:

“A wimpy, wounded billionaire sadist – correction “dominant” – with a cleanliness fetish and no friends stalks with gifts a passive-aggressive virgin.” - Victoria Alexander, Las Vegas Informer

“A charm-free hero with control issues and a passive, fretful heroine have coy and tediously vanilla pretend-sex. This is meant to be erotic?” - MaryAnn Johanson, Flick Filosopher

“Panders to Twilight’s housewives and teens demo using that story’s template, but with sex! Kinky sex! The sex is incredibly boring and the alleged ‘romance’ between a naïve college student and her stalkerish zillionaire suitor is deeply troubling.” - Diva Velez,

“A monochromatic misfire featuring only one shade: blushing pink.” - Kam Williams, Baret News

“It’s been said that the movie contains 20 minutes of sex; if this is the case, it must contain at least 40 minutes of Ana biting her lip or putting a pencil in her mouth.” - Christopher Orr, The Atlantic

“The best they can do for dirty talk sounds like ‘wear the panties your mother laid out for you.’” - Fred Topel,

And our personal favourite:

“Presumably the sequels will explore forbidden taboos like ‘character development’ and ‘plot.’” - Eric D. Snider, GeekNation

Glenn Lovell from CinemaDope was one of the few critics to not completely slate the film. And while he doesn’t think it’s a great movie, his review looks at a bigger contextual picture:

“As silly and, yes, sanctimonious as this adaptation is, it deserves mention as one of the first major studio releases in ages to promote sex over vigilante violence or superherodom ... And that, in a peculiar way, makes the film a refreshing departure.”

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