Uptown Girl: Goodbye Oprah! Can’t say I’ll miss your ‘favourite things’ episodes

2011-05-27 14:02

There’s no justice in the world.

Before you start judging my admittedly childish complaint, I’d like you to know I have a valid reason for this.

Anyone who has watched an episode of Oprah with the theme Oprah’s Favourite Things, knows that there’s no way to sit through it without wanting to set fire to your TV set.

Mind you, the same HD plasma big screen TV that you’re so proud of because after months of saving for, you’re finally part of the “in crowd”.

That’s when you see on Oprah that every audience member is now getting the same TV, which is not only HD and plasma, but is now 3D and can deliver Jamie Oliver dishes to you after he prepares them.

If you must know, the Big O gets everything way before anyone else, so I’m sure she even has access to futuristic TVs.

The other day I watched with mixed feelings, actually more like a green-tinted cocktail of jealousy, anger, envy and hate, as she gave people the as-yet-to-be-launched 2012 VW Beetle. Each. And. Every. Single. One. Of. The. 275.
Audience. Members. I die!

As if that’s not enough to send her already crazy audience into hyperventilation mode, madam added some more of her favourite things that included an iPad (I die some more), Ugg sequin boots, a Coach bag, Nordstrom lingerie, chicken pies, a device to keep herbs fresh, diamond earrings (like, why me?), mini-croissants, silk leggings, popcorn, Miraclebody jeans, Le Creuset cookware, a Josh Groban CD and more.

I can’t, you can’t, we all can’t with Oprah!

Watching it makes me literally sick to my stomach. What kind of crappy destiny landed me on the other side of the world while this was happening?

Whatever I did in my previous life, this is some seriously bad karma. I just know that from now on, I’m going to be so awesome and cool that karma will take pity on me and bring me back as Oprah.

Even a Beyonce will do. I’m not picky.

Thankfully, we’ll never be subjected to Oprah’s “Everyone look under your chairs!” and her super mad crowd again. That’s the sound that broke my heart the most.

I wish her the best on her new venture, the O Network, which I’m sure is going to kick ass. She must just lay off the giving away of cool stuff and I’ll remain cool with her.

And you know what? Just so you understand what I’m talking about, here’s the show where she gave away the car. Watch it and weep.

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