Uptown Girl: I have a dream that the BEE boep will never be sexy

2010-10-27 09:34

Lately, I have been meeting many BEE brothers. You know, the ones with the high-collar, floral shirts, pointy-toe shoes (application for corns, by the way) and the gut. Not gut as in bravery, but the less attractive one, the boep.

I have never claimed to be attracted to guys with six-packs and toned bodies. I’m really not that finicky about it. I simply draw the line when it comes to seeing something big protruding from the mid-section (unless you’re hiding a surprise gift for me).

After doing my best to overlook the floral pattern of the shirt and that ridiculous high-collar, do you seriously expect me to now overlook the boep?

That’s too much overlooking for one person to get through.

I don’t have m’khaba (and if i start seeing signs, I go out of my way to get rid of it), so why should my guy have one?

There are many guys who seem to believe that the big-boep look is sexy (they’re obviously from another galaxy) and go out of their way to cultivate it.

I even had a skinny male friend who did everything he could to grow anything that would make him look like the successful BEE guy he is. Thankfully, his fast metabolism saved him from that colossal mistake.

For some reason, the size of the boep is usually directly proportional to the size of the bank account. The bigger it gets, the more money you make (or vice versa). Goodness knows what went right in Patrice Motsepe’s case. But good for Precious Moloi for keeping the mister’s gut in check.

I recently went to a party (see: Tycoon’s super sweet R700 000 bash under "Related Links") at the club Zar in Sandton, which my friends and I have taken to calling The BEE Mansion (like The Playboy Mansion).

And they do have some similarities. For one, it’s just as opulent, the male patrons are usually old (not as ancient as Hugh Hefner, but just as randy), have oodles of cash (again, like Hef) and the girls are almost dressed (like the Playmates).

This exclusive party, thrown for the part-owner Kenny Kunene, had all the right ingredients. The champers was flowing, the food was on point, heck, there was even a chocolate fountain. Which was all fantastic, except we lacked some eye candy. My friends and I are what you’d call “hot girls” and, well, without sounding like I’m bragging, we do manage to get some attention from the male species.

There we were, dressed in all-white, looking on the right side of virginal, sexy and available. (Don’t judge, we’re single.)

But being single doesn’t mean we can’t afford to be picky. Even if the men at the party could afford to pick and choose (I hate it when there are more women than men at parties).

Women look for a man who can be a provider (I’m confident with my independence enough to say this) and a man they can show off to their girlfriends.

We want a man we can admire – clothed or naked.

So, if you’re rich, but have a big boep, you lose points.

How am I supposed to imagine the silhouette of a man with a boep leaving the bed, going to the lit bathroom after a passionate night? Nightmare vision of epic proportions. The “epic proportions” in questions being that big boep. Try being unselfish and get rid of it.

In the words of Martin Luther King Jnr, “I Have a Dream” that one day I will meet a single and straight man who is well off and takes care of his body.

That one day, people will start associating BEE with words like hot, sexy and good taste. I have a dream that big-boep men will start seeing gym and exercise as friends. That they will stick with it through toned and well-built. And if any of you are one of the rare, BEE breed without a boep, applause.

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