‘When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro’

2014-11-19 17:32

Wednesday. I’m hungry. I’m thinking about Doctor Hunter S Thomson.

Thomson probably had as much to do with my taking up journalism as the criminal record I got for motorcycle theft at the end of my matric year which put paid my plan of becoming a highfalutin lawyer type like my man Ghenginator. Which was not necessarily a bad thing.

Thomson was a mad genius. The bastard could write. Thomson’s thirst for the weirdness of people and politics – and his massive drink and drug consumption – made me want to live like him and write about it. Instead I settled for being a journalist. It is what it is.

Quite a long time before he blew his brains out with a shotgun, Thomson said, or rather wrote, that “when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.’’

Thomson was writing about the US in the Nixon era. He could have been writing about South Africa today. Truth is, shit has gotten weird. For real.

Public Works blows a small town’s budget on building a small town for the Commander in Chief. They get caught. The opposition in Parliament says pay back the money. The Commander in Chief says pay back for what. The ruling party jumps to the Commander in Chief’s defence. Just for a change.

The Speaker joins in. That’s fair enough, even if it’s like the ref playing 12th man for the team in the black, green and gold strip. It is what it is. Politics and all that. Debate ensues.

Play continues. The team in red’s back benchers are standing in for the first teamers who are serving a ban for diving in the box. The EFF second string keep it basic. No fancy shit. Basic and brutal. They wipe the floor with the ANC. Five nil. A big result. This is football – read politics – it’s what happens.

No it isn’t. Some Muppet cuts the TV feed and the tooled up Babylon who’ve been lurking in the passage kick the shit out of the opposition.

The weird doesn’t stop there. Check out Tshwane. Tshwane has a strategic executive head of service delivery coordination. The strategic executive head of service delivery coordination doesn’t coordinate service delivery.

The strategic executive head of service delivery coordination does coordinate delivery of R15 million in take-away food to council employees who were working paid overtime. A month. For free.

Like Thomson said, when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

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