World Cup Syndrome: Do you need a sick note?

2014-06-30 14:05

Monday morning. I’m feeling kinda weirded out. Part of the weirdness is a direct result of the weekend’s soiree with the Ghenginator. A brutal all-nighter aided by wall-to-wall World Cup replays and a 7am sunrise. Those additional hours of darkness are essential, either for snatching that little bit more sleep before getting to work or for that final bit of revelry before the birds get going.

It’s lucky that the World Cup’s held in June and July. Gives one time to straighten out after the evening fixtures, which are kinda late given the time difference between Durban and Brazil. Things are a bit worse for the punters in China though. They’re so upside down from the hours they’ve been keeping that doctors have even diagnosed a new ailment called, wait for it, World Cup Syndrome.

Apparently so many Chinese football punters have been calling in sick with insomnia, listlessness and tiredness from the viewing times that they’ve also opened the first clinic in Chengdu, Sichuan province, for treating the afflicted.

According to Orangenews, the clinic has doctors on 24-hour stand-by to treat the area’s thousands of stricken football fans, who also have been suffering from stomach cramps, loss of appetite, paranoia and anxiousness. They are also, we are told, treating people for psychological issues related to the hysteria associated with the games.

I can understand that. Especially with the kind of refereeing decisions we’ve been seeing. And the behaviour of muppets like Luis Suárez. I wonder if there’s a bed for him in the Chengdu clinic? Or for that diving bastard Arjen Robben? Perhaps they could cure him of his cheating instincts, which are likely to take the Netherlands to the final. Again. Then again, Mexico should have buried the Dutch when they had the chance, instead of taking their foot off the pedal.

I wouldn’t mind getting hold of Chengdu myself. See if they’ll give me a sick note online tomorrow and Wednesday so I can wind it up a little. If the boss will accept one.

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