Zuma’s in an eye-gouging mood

2014-04-24 10:02

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Wednesday. We’re in Langeloop in Mpumalanga. Langeloop’s very appropriately named, given that it’s nearly in Mozambique.

We’re in Langeloop, courtesy of President Jacob Zuma. The Commander in Chief’s been tearing through Mpumalanga with his members, Double Dee Mabuza and Siyabonga Cwele, our very own James Bond.

The CiC’s got the mutters. The CiC’s naar. It’s written all over his face. The CiC’s spitting fire. Big time. The CiC’s in an eye-gouging kinda mood. Politically speaking, of course.

Although he looks like he wouldn’t mind giving Harper a well-deserved whack with the traditional weapon he just scored from a crew of Swati chiefs – for writing shit about him.

President Jacob Zuma campaigns in Langeloop in the Nkomazi municipality in Mpumalanga on Wednesday (April 23 2014). Picture: Muntu Vilakazi/City Press

Fortunately, today he’s way more mal with Zeelah and her pals. Zeelah and company, he reckons, are a bunch of copycats. Instead of getting the punters into the polling booths by winning them over with policies, they’re playing dirty. Running to court. Using the N word. Picking holes in the ANC’s manifesto because it’s far better than theirs.

Zeelah and her mates, he says, should rather shut their mouths. Zip their lips. Close the holes in their heads. Wait for his tame Special Investigating Unit head Vas Soni to clear him and make Thuli Madonsela’s report into who broke into his pozi and built stuff valued at a quarter of a billion rand, vanish into thin air.

“Every time they open their mouths it’s Nkandla, Nkandla, Nkandla, Nkandla. Nkandla, Nkandla, Nkandla, Nkandla,’’ he roars.

The CiC’s not done. He lays down the law: come May 7, show dem. Give the ANC 90% in Mpumalanga and I’ll come back and slaughter cattle for you.

The punters love it. Mission accomplished. Mpumalanga’s locked. Yeah.

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