#randomtweet: Why the Russians got it

2010-12-06 13:44

Well, it can certainly be said that the nation of the Kalashnikov pulled a fast one.

England, hang your head in shame. Your petti-coated golden boy, David Beckham, failed you. Again.

Just kidding!

It’s not England’s fault since no country stood a chance against the land of flowing vawter.

So how did the Russians do it? Same way that scrawny little alcoholic boy in your class became class monitor: underdogism.

According to credible website Whackopedia, underdogism is the tendency of little-respected elements in a social situation to rise up from the ashes underneath the big dogs’ feet to become the new power players of the football world/playground.

Russia = underdog.

What fooled big-dog nations like England and the United States (the latter are so famous you don’t even have to spell out their last name) into thinking they could have 2018 and 2022 in the bag, was that they overlooked important elements such as:

1. Names. Sepp Blatter had a choice between a tame name like David, and a wild, manly, Old Spice name like Vladimir. I shall say no more.

2. Attire. England arrived in petticoats and satchels, dear. Russia arrived in Casspirs and bear-skin beanies. Satchels say: “I have come to do my homework.” Bear-skin beanies say: “I have come to do business.” Enough said.

3. Location, location, location. England is rainy. Even if there were a world cup for paint-dry watchers, the rain would slow down the negotiation process.

Moscow is cold. Anyone will agree to anything if you promise them a solution to their frostbite.

4. Negotiation catering. Tea versus vodka with a slice of lime. Hmm. Tricky one. Absolute vodka. I mean, er ... absolutely ... er ... tricky.

5. Stadiums. Old Trafford is world-renowned, and that was what caused the downfall of Queen Victoria’s porch. Haven’t you read anything about underdogism?

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