Chelsea's flop leaves one completely flaccid

2011-02-09 00:00

I AM under duress to say something nice about Liverpool Football Club for a change, especially after all the tripe that I have said about them this season.

So through gritted teeth, I commend Kenny Dalglish’s team for managing four wins in a row, the last of which occurred against a woeful Chelsea on Sunday.

I was salivating so much at the prospect of the Kop having a go at the turncoat that is Fernando Torres that I inadvertently said the game was at Anfield.

Of course, as several “experts” on high chairs pointed out during the week, the Reds had already beaten the Blues on Merseyside.

At this point I must confess to being only human, just as Maxi Rodriguez surely did when trying to explain how he hit the bar, when it was easier to score, during the dullest of first halves at Stamford Bridge.

Of course, the story of the day soon focused on the wisdom of Torres himself, and the handful of travelling supporters had made a poster reminding “El Nino” just what he had left behind: “18 league titles, 5 European Cups, 5 FA Cups. Bigger club.”

As history lessons go, it was as short and as sharp as Shaka Zulu’s revolutionary spear — and it made a similar point.

Torres may well go on to achieve success at Chelsea, but for now, at least, the Liverpool fans have the bragging rights.

What is puzzling , though, is how Chelsea plan to use their expensive new trinket.

The diamond formation they dug up to accommodate him and the sulky pair of Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka was peculiar at best — and pathetic at worst.

A manager such as Carlo Ancelotti should have the authority to drop at least one of the trio and use better suited players at the head of the diamond.

I must say that as a connoisseur of so-called “sexy football” I find that Chelsea’s brand of football fluff leaves me increasingly flaccid.

Watching them trudge to defeat — against an average Liverpool side — made me wonder just what Torres plans to win there.

They were uninspired, lacked width and even the likes of Drogba lacked the usual mongrel they usually reserve for the likes of Jamie Carragher.

It baffles me that these clubs pay out millions after millions on much the same type of player.

City are the same, buying more strikers than even Cosatu have on their membership list.

And what’s the point? You can only play two — well, three if your name is Carlo — at a time, and the rest get bored and soon ask for a cheap transfer.

Chelsea were so lame on Sunday that they even managed to steal the thunder from Wolves, who just happened to inflict the first league defeat on the red half of Manchester in 10 months.

Wolves?

Not Manchester Kitty, I mean City, or even suicidal Arsenal. Not even Spurs, who are now the most entertaining team of the lot. But Wolves, a side that has spent so much time at the bottom they get light-headed if they haul themselves out of the drop-zone.

Go figure.

And as luck would have it, none of United’s challengers for the title made any considerable ground — save for City, that is.

Carlos Tevez bagged a hat-trick and now the stage is set for one of the most critical Manchester derbies in years.

If City are to have any chance of winning the league, they have to beat United on Saturday.

Of course, Sir Alex would love nothing more than to put City in their place, clinging at the coat-tails of “the biggest club in Manchester”.

It promises to be a thriller. At worst, it surely cannot be duller than the exhibition of paint drying served up by Chelsea and Liverpool on Sunday.

Is there anything more depressing than waiting all week for some tasty action, and then being left completely unmoved by what is served up?

It’s enough to make a man sick. I should know, as I have been suffering from severe stomach cramps all week, thanks to Sunday’s distinct lack of titillation.

Oh, and before I forget, perhaps a quick word on Arsenal’s epic, “Titanic moment” at Newcastle.

Never ever in the great history of the English Premiership has a side let slip of a four-goal lead.

Yes they were down to 10 men. And yes, Newcastle were given two soft penalties.

But still, you would expect a title contender to have enough in the tank to bring home the bacon.

I am sure you have heard the jokes about Arsenal fans chasing black and white dogs because they simply can’t hold on to a lead, so I will stop right here.

Words simply fail me.

 

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