Jingle hells

2014-12-20 00:00

Tradesmen are scarce

It is Christmas Eve and the house is full of family. Suddenly you find yourself with a blocked drain, or a burst geyser, or an electrical problem. Good luck finding someone to help you because everyone is on leave and the few handymen who are left are so expensive and helping some other poor soul with the same problem.

If I hear that damn song one more time …

Every shopping centre, petrol station and restaurant is playing The Little Drummer Boy and, try as you might, you can’t stop singing it at home.

TV is dull

There is nothing decent to watch on TV and the channels are all playing the same Christmas movie that was playing last year and the year before that, and the year before that.

Traffic is a nightmare

Every time you get in your car you take your life into your hands. People seem to have gone crazy; red lights are treated as green. There are extra holidaymakers on the road and most of them have been dipping into the eggnog.

Snow-themed decorations

We live in the Southern Hemisphere where we celebrate Christmas in summer. Why do all of our greeting cards have a snow theme when most of us will be spending the day around a pool?

Christmas lights

The neighbour has got his entire house lit up with stupid decorations. It is not the fact that he has turned night into daylight with his twinkling lights that upsets you, it is the thought that January is going to be full of power cuts to make up for the waste of electricity.

Last-minute shopping

You need milk but decide that black coffee is preferable to spending the next two hours navigating around Christmas shoppers, just to stand in a long queue for a two-litre bottle.

Presents are bad

You have spent hours at the mall picking out the perfect gift for the children, only to be met with tears at having bought the wrong thing. Or even worse, you spend all your money on friends and family only to get some re-gifted cheap present.

Poverty

You know that you will spend January eating beans on toast because you are now poor.

Finding gifts for unexpected gate crashers

The family Christmas party keeps getting bigger as everyone starts to bring partners and guests. It is hard enough to find gifts for people you know, but now you need to buy for strangers.

Dealing with awkward relatives

You haven’t seen Aunt Mae since you had the fight about her dog not being allowed to eat off your plate, but now you have to make small talk with her when you would rather just avoid ever speaking to her again.

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