Matchmaker, matchmaker ...

2013-01-30 00:00

GET real. That’s the advice of professional matchmaker Fiona Dorse, who says that too many people have a fantasy idea of who they want to date that does not resemble reality.

“I ask somebody who they would like to date and usually they give an example of a celebrity. Then I ask them what their chances would be out of 10. If they are honest, they would have to say less than three.

“They simply don’t have what it takes to attract a celebrity. But that is what they think they can get — it’s ridiculous!”

Dorse, who looks younger than her 50-something years, has been running her Corporate Dating agency for 15 years and says in that time she has matched many happy couples. Her niche is finding suitable partners for lonely executives. Divorced and in a “partnership” with a younger man, she says she has Cupid’s touch. “I don’t have to be married to be successful at this.” She describes herself as an old-fashioned person who believes marriage is the best option for most people.

She says the problem with Internet dating sites is that there are no checks and balances. “People lie and they hide their insecurities behind their profiles on the dating sites. When they come to me, I can see through them and I can also challenge them about what they are really looking for.”

Dorse has recently written a book titled Alone? Why? ??, compiled from years of interviews with clients and experience in the dating game. She doesn’t mince her words when saying that many single people are single because they don’t have a clue. She makes her clients look at themselves and her assessment can be quite brutal. She chides women clients and criticises them if they are overweight and if they dress inappropriately.

She tells them to avoid the “mutton dressed like lamb” cliché. Dorse is also rough on her male clients who want to date a young woman when they are in their 40s, telling them that a young woman would exhaust them and be bored with them by midnight.

Some clients have lashed out at her frank approach and her methods, which are to provide them with a list of possible candidates and let them get on with it. Women must contact men and ask for a date and visa versa.

“Life is about looking for opportunities and making the most of what you have,” she says. “Not everyone you meet will be your cup of tea, but you have to make contacts, spread your circle of friends and get out and live a little.”

Her extensive questionnaire for new clients is all about personality and background profiling, as she says this is crucial to partnering people with a similar outlook. She says attraction is all based on a person’s imprinting when they were a child.

She says children learn to associate physical attraction with their mother or main caregiver, and the person they marry will most likely have similar physical attributes.

“People should not feel rejected when somebody does not have an attraction to them, because it’s not them personally; it’s more about what they respond to on a subliminal level.”

Dorse says her clients pay the once-off fee because they want a person of a certain social calibre. Her book offers advice ranging from how to hold a wine glass to how to get on with a prospective mother-in-law.

Women should not smoke, have tattoos, or wear short skirts. “Ladies, if you are looking for a thoroughbred racehorse, then you cannot afford to go out looking like a donkey,” she advises.

While some of the advice is patronising and obvious, it may be that some of her wannabe clients have money but no “class”. The book is definitely not for “liberated” women, who will find some of her ideas antiquated.

She is also not a proponent of racial cross-dating because there are many complications in the long run. “I have had black men come and say they want a white woman and I ask them why?

“If they say they are attracted to them, I ask if a white woman could cook the food they like, or if she would be comfortable in their home environment? Then they are not sure.

“Attraction is only part of the equation; a successful relationship has to last the distance. I have found foreign men who want an African wife are only attracted by the illusion of an exotic wife. They are not in touch with the whole person, just the image.”

Dorse says that when people get past their judgements and insecurities and reach out to a person of a similar background with similar morals, there is usually a base for mutual attraction. “What people are looking for is someone they can trust.”

She says when she got divorced, she took back her power. She decided who she would date and why.

An attractive woman, she does what it takes to stay that way and readily admits to having had a chemical face peel recently. She says she stays slim by snacking on two Provita biscuits a day and drinking green tea.

For Dorse, there is nothing wishy washy about finding the right partner — she believes in going after what you want like a soldier into battle.

 

She doesn’t mince her words when saying that many single people are single because they don’t have a clue. She makes her clients look at themselves and her assessment can be quite brutal. She chides women clients and criticises them if they are overweight and if they dress inappropriately.

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