Men are from matric, women from college

2008-10-15 00:00

From where I sit, I keep thinking that women are smarter than men — or is it something to do with perceived differences in maturity levels? Well, my brother from another mother would tell you that all women are smart in what they do and in some cases, they are very specific on issues. I am not really sure which side of the coin has the answer, but what I do know is that whenever I have an argument or a discussion with the mother of my six daughters, I always end up bungling my case even when I have all the exhibits.

And don’t get me started on purses. Being not so clever and not so stupid, I asked the mother of my six daughters why men don’t carry purses. She quickly turned our home into a lecture room. “You want a purse? You want a purse? You can’t handle a purse!” And you know what? She’s right. I can barely handle a briefcase. That’s why every part of a man’s clothing has a pocket. But still, even with just a couple of pockets, such as when I am wearing jeans and a T-shirt, I do at times become an amateur police officer. I observed that when I couldn’t find my keys. As I started looking around the room, I did a pat-down search and before long, I was frisking myself, only for the mother of my six daughters to come to my rescue by pointing out the keys which were right in front of my eyes.

These incidents with the mother of my six daughters have made me doubt my IQ because while I take certain issues as a simple matter, her answers always leave me feeling as though I need to go back to class to sharpen my intelligence. A case in point is when I asked her about her shoes. For me a simple answer was required; I wear size 10. What of her? Well she turned into an astrologer doing a natal chart on the shoe. “Where was it made? Who made it? Is it suitable for winter or summer? Is it a flat shoe or a high-heeled one?” And I started getting worried that one day she would even ask whether the leather of the shoes was from a happy cow or a smiling crocodile. However, in the long run she always finds what she wants and the shoe-shopping mission is completed.

But this is not the only area where I find myself looking at an issue from a different angle to her. When the issue seems straightforward to her, in most cases I always hear a different version of it. These differences in perception once made the “family delegates” of the mother of my six daughters threaten to “recall” their daughter from her matrimonial home, unless I changed my ways. At one of those reconciliation meetings, which had been going on for almost three months, she had revisited an incident when I had taken her and our six daughters on a family outing. She lament-ed to the family delegates that I had reacted negatively to her simple statement, when she said: “We didn’t eat any breakfast and it’s already one o’clock. We have to stop and eat.”

Being the man that I am, what I understood she meant from her statement was: “Don’t you care about us? All you think about is yourself. You should have taken us for breakfast first. Now the day is ruined and it’s your fault entirely.”

As a man who paid her lobola 14 years ago, I argued that my position was right as I know her too well. But the mother of my six daughters threw me into the kitchen sink when she complained to the family delegates: “And he doesn’t notice me anymore. It doesn’t matter to him how I look.”

I wondered aloud to the family delegates why she was bringing up such a weak accusation.

“Why do I have to compliment her every time she wears that dress? I told her I liked it when she bought it.”

When she heard this, she hit the roof and threw at me some words which are defamatory to my matrimonial CV. She further added that she always knew that all men are the same and our perceptions are just different.

Before you pass sentence, let it be known that as a man I have many accomplices and they all stand accused. Men are from matric and women are from college.

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