So bad it’s … just bad

2011-11-14 00:00

WITH every bad film there’s generally a “but” somewhere along the line that redeems it. Immortals, however, is just a bad film. While there’s eye candy and great visuals, it never becomes anything other than bad.

A Greek God epic, Immortals is about, I think, a peasant called Theseus (Henry Cavill) who is chosen by Zeus (Luke Evans) to lead his men and defeat the evil King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) in his quest to … um … take over the world.

There’s a lot that King Hyperion wants and Theseus has to try and prevent him from obtaining it: a virgin oracle (Frieda Pinto), an all-powerful bow, a cave encapsulating the Titans and the destruction of the gods.

Theseus, however, doesn’t really care about any of it and his character would be annoyingly righteous and stupid if Cavill wasn’t so damn hot.

With the same producers as 300, Immortals contains all the characteristics of an epic film, but it’s no more than an epic failure.

The screenplay doesn’t make sense. It’s as if the film were written by a 10-year-old in short succinct sentences — all cause-and-effect sequences with unneeded explanations among bouts of graphic violence.

There is no real story, no allure and no string of suspense that makes you want to stay in your seat until the end.

The acting is weak and unconvincing among the entire cast; the dialogue is cringeworthy and the soundtrack never stops blaring over the battle screams and thuds. It’s painful, and that’s an understatement.

While the visuals are great, it never moves away from its digital feel.

The landscapes and colours are no doubt beautiful, but feel more like something from a Playstation game or graphic novel.

The setting also doesn’t make sense; it’s all vast mountains, caves, oceans of oil, gigantic statues and never-ending deserts, but the space for action is confined and contained in narrow passages, small rooms and cliff edges.

The violence is also graphically brutal despite having a stylised feel.

Bodies are cooked in a giant vat, heads are bashed in, throats are slit and the blood never stops spraying.

This is all the film really has going for it and if you are a fan of watching vivid depictions of violence for two hours with no real point, then this may be the best movie you see all year. *

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