Tweeters have fun with jokes about being a black kid

2011-12-30 00:00

THE past few days have seen a variety of Twitter trends on race.

First it was #CapeTownIsRacist, which was started by a feud between the DA’s Helen Zille and singer Simphiwe Dana. That trend was replaced late yesterday with #CapeTownIsAwesome, after the majority voice of South Africa found positive things to say. Yesterday a lighter, delightful trend began by @IAmNigerian, who started the hashtag #AfricanKidProblems, with a tweet that read: “What does your name mean? “Oh, the heavenly power of God lies upon me.” “What about yours?” “It’s just Joe” *awkward*”

That started a number of re-tweets from black twitterati, which set off an avalanche of humorous anecdotes. Below is a selection:

#AfricanKidProblems

• Your name is always underlined in red in Microsoft Word.

• Being frightfully afraid of being impregnated by talking to boys even though you understand biology.

• Getting flogged at home for getting flogged in school.

• Fighting over chicken at the dinner table.

• Now: When I grow up I wanna be a pilot. 21 years later: Engineering school is hard. 3 + 21 years later: “Make Some Noise for DJ ZULU!”

• Your mother calls you your full village name and gives you that you-know-you-are-dead look.

• Break that tumbler and die.

• Crying in public gets you assaulted, not pampered.

• Go to school 8 am — 2 pm, after school lessons 2.30 pm — 4.30 pm, home lesson 6 pm — 7 pm.

• Calling every noodles Indomie.

• Calling every toothpaste McLean.

• Calling every soft drink Coke.

• Calling every detergent Omo.

• All the money you’re spending belongs to your parents.

• You open the ice-cream bowl from the fridge and find stew/soup inside.

• Eating a certain dish three times a day until it’s done.

• Sitting on the lap of a stranger in an overloaded car.

• All mummy’s friends are also mummy.

• You collect an item with your left hand from elderly person and he/she automatically becomes your lecturer for the next couple of seconds.

• Everyone of your dad’s friends is your uncle.

• When you don’t eat your parents complain. When you finish the food they complain.

• Jacking a piece of meat from the pot only to find out that your mom counted them.

• “You are size 9, ok I bought you a size 11 shoe, it will last you for 2 years.”

• Having to vacate your room because your 34 cousins are visiting — “its not fair that you have a bed!”

• Every Sunday … rice & stew with chicken!

• Me: Dad I got a 98 … Dad: What happened to getting 100s? You see when I was your age …

• Being forced to do athletics because apparently all black people can run — running from dogs [equals] good practice.

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