Why 18 holes can take a full day to play

2013-01-18 00:00

A ROUND of golf entails playing 18 holes and the normal time taken to do this is between four and five hours, which includes stopping at the halfway house.

Now there may be a number of wives and girlfriends reading this who will say: “My man spends more time at the club than five hours!”

Well, yes he does, and there are important reasons for this. So allow me to explain.

Playing a round of golf takes just about a full day. There are things to be done both before and after the round.

A golfer needs to arrive at the course early. It’s important to feel un-hurried, comfortable and relaxed, just as it should be on the course.

There is nothing worse than being late and dashing to the first tee. Rushing is not the way to prepare for a good round of golf.

He needs time to browse in the pro-shop and perhaps the new range of shirts may catch his eye; then a soothing pint and a few putts would be in order.

A little practice on the chipping green would also be appropriate before he makes his way to the first tee.

After the round of golf, there is the customary shower and change of clothes. After that, it’s into the bar for refreshment and a chin wag with his playing partners.

(Golf is called “foot and mouth disease”; you foot it all day and mouth it all night).

While consuming a couple of glasses of amber liquid, there would be discussions on world affairs, sport, topical subjects and a bit of scandal, although the latter would be more fitting to the ladies section.

Then finally, the prize giving takes place and it is shortly after this that the golfer will look at his watch, excuse himself and make his way home.

It will probably be dark outside at this point. However, if the golfer has had a successful day and has won a prize or two, he will believe he has earned himself some extra time.

He will stay at the club a little longer than he usually does because there is no doubt that getting home late with a prize is a different proposition to getting home late empty handed.

From the 19th hole:

Three old golfers, Sam, Harry and Fred, were sitting together after their weekly game of golf. These are some of the things they were overheard saying to each other:

Sam said: “You know it’s not your day when you finally break down and buy that new driver; then the next day they are being sold at 25% off.

Harry said: “You know it’s not your day when the ball that you searched for five minutes is found in five seconds by a golfer in the first group behind you.”

Fred said: “You know it’s not your day when the distance to the flagstick marked on the sprinkler cover is 50 metres away and when you get there, the water is turned on.”

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