'I want a blue light too...'

2008-12-01 08:40

Chris Moerdyk

My new year's resolution for 2009 is that I am not going to drive anywhere unless I can have my own blue light convoy.

Just like all those cabinet ministers, deputy ministers, party leaders, provincial MECs and just about anybody who can claim to have some sort of public office or frankly knows where to find the application form for their very own, personal, blue light convoy.

Of course, politicians claim that they need to get to meetings fast and safely without hassling in the traffic the way we mere mortals do. Because what they're doing is important for the country.

Well, there are a heck of a lot of other people that are doing important things for the country that have to twiddle their thumbs in traffic jams. People like Raymond Ackerman for example. I reckon he does a lot more good for this country than the majority of cabinet ministers. Last time I looked he didn't have a blue light convoy.

Then there are the chairs and CEOs of all our big companies who have meetings that could decide whether we actually eat or not. Or have jobs to go to. Don't they deserve blue light convoys too? Their safety is also critically important. And teachers and nurses and doctors.

In fact, the people who desperately need blue light convoys are those workers who get stranded every time Metrorail has to stop running its trains because someone the Minister of Safety and Security was supposed to have put in jail, sneaks in at night swipes all the copper wire above the railway line.

And those taxi drivers who have to struggle through the traffic to deliver to work those millions of workers who don't live anywhere near a train station. When those workers don't pitch up for work, everything comes to a grinding halt. Food doesn't get produced, cars don't get built, our telephones go on the blink, clothes don't get manufactured and so on. Let's face it, with these people not being able to get to work, this country would crash in a heartbeat. Their safety is also critically important.

Who needs it most?

I reckon the crime rate in this country is proof positive that government ministers believe it is only their safety that is important. The rest of us don't need to be safe. We have to go to the gym accompanied only by a towel and a jock-strap while ministers go in blue light convoys accompanied by a dozen or so bodyguards.

Meanwhile, if a politician doesn't come to work for a week or doesn't get to a meeting on time, what happens? Nothing really. No grinding halts to speak of. Clothes still get made, food gets produced and life goes on.

So, here's a terrifying thought. If those blue light convoys have got something to do with ensuring that the country keeps running smoothly then every combi taxi should have its own blue light convoy surely?

Ok, so that's ridiculous even though it is logical. But, I'm serious about the business sector. There are some captains of industry that are far more important to the economy and sustainability of this country than most of those ministers and MECs.

Now, all of this logical deduction of mine will, I hope, proves one thing. And that is that apart from our head of state, no-one should have any sort of convoy. And secondly, if we do have to keep these infernal blue light convoys, they should be about safety and security only, not getting to meetings on time.

If ministers want to get to meetings on time then like the rest if us they should damn well get up earlier in the morning.

A few months ago, I was waiting to cross a street when a blue light convoy came hurtling towards me. Even though I was standing on the pavement, the lead car blasted its siren at me. The driver of that car looked at me with a scowl of such arrogant proportions it was frightening.

It was a look of power; it was a look of unassailable control; it was a look of smug self-satisfaction that left me feeling as though I was nothing more than a two month old dassie turd lying the gutter.

It made me feel, very, very strongly, that the only political party I want to vote for next year is the one that promises to outlaw blue light convoys.

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