Anatomy of an ad
I’ve asked News24 to place the poster with this column so you can see what all the fuss is about. If they haven’t, you can Google it yourselves and ogle at the perfect bodies the DA Student Organisation (DASO) predicts we’ll all have in the near future.
The poster has become an overnight success, with many people praising its bold stance and others questioning the saucy pose of the enlightened couple. Either way, the poster has got people talking - at least those who dwell in that bizarre and murky twilight zone of Twitter and Facebook.
But what’s really happening in the scene depicted? In all the online correspondence I’ve read it appears that eager pundits and DA naysaysers have misinterpreted the message. So let’s talk a closer look at the future DASO wants for us all.
Calm down, uptight people who see themselves as pillars of moral rectitude. The “couple” in question are quite obviously not in a sexual relationship. There are no “sins of the skin” going on here. If they were bonking, there’d be a lot more tongue in the image, and at least one person standing with their mouth gaping like a breathless guppy.
What this scene really depicts is the aftermath of a daring sea rescue at one of Cape Town’s famous (and frigid) nudist beaches. Our plucky heroine (obviously from KwaZulu-Natal or the Eastern Cape, because East Coasters just can’t handle the frosty Cape water) has stripped off to tan, and has gone in for a refreshing dip.
As she’s plunged into the water, ice-cold waves have knocked the wind from her sails, necessitating the intervention of our daring (and incredibly buff) hero. Pulling her from the treacherous surf, the two are forced to embrace coyly in an effort to stave off hypothermia.
I can tell that it’s a Cape Town beach rescue because of the eyes. Look at their eyes. Mr Buff is looking down to make sure the water hasn’t shrivelled his pride too much, while Ms Damsel In No Dress has obviously noticed the cold water damage and is now staring straight ahead in an effort to keep a straight face.
“In OUR future, you wouldn’t look twice,” reads the message attached to the image. Now this is obviously a blatant test for would be DASO members. Of course you’d look twice. If I saw a smoking hot lady, like the one present in the poster, wandering naked around the beach, I’d definitely look twice. In fact, I’d probably look three or four times. Not only would I look, but I’d probably more than likely also try and sneak in a quick hug while no one was looking (twice).
Likewise, I’m sure most hot-blooded future women passers-by would also glance a good dozen times at Mr Just Stepped Off the Set of Grey’s Anatomy.
The hidden meaning here, however, is the bright and glorious future of swimming excellence that awaits us all if we join or vote the DA.
DASO predicts that we’ll all be such excellent swimmers in the future, due to the effects of climate change and rising seas, that when you see someone who appears to be struggling in the surf, you won’t even bother to look twice. The DA will have done so much swimming coaching for us by then, that we won’t need the stinking ferry to get us to Robben Island, we’ll simply swim there and back.
Of course, if we look at the glaring white light in the background of the image, it could also be that a another nuclear bomb has gone off, but our happy couple are so used to them exploding, they can’t be troubled to give it a second glance.
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