Children. Yes or no?

2011-09-06 14:15

David Moseley

Everyone was so helpful a few weeks ago with my DStv dilemma (the results are in: I’ll stick to reading, thank you very much. There are only so many hapless singers destined for the depths of obscurity you can watch on a Sunday night) that I thought I would pose another question.

(Also, it appears the loyal News24 readers appear to enjoy offering advice, rather than simply ranting at someone else’s ranting). So how about this one: children. Yes or no?

I’ll tell you why I ask. Leafing through a dreary magazine I happened across an article that asked a similar question, though in a more self-centred manner. The story was utterly wishy-washy and had more to do with mom’s happiness at finally having something to show off at Book Club instead of addressing the issues of today.

It relied solely on simpering women who dribbled on about "life-changing experiences" or "our need to nurture" and other such statements that would be fine in a world were hubby goes off to do corporate battle on his iPad (Ha! 476 connections on LinkedIn. Next stop, CEO), mother flutters around the house, and an endless supply of opportunities await junior one fine day.

But we don’t live in that world (and probably, we never did. Though I dare say optimism for the future, in decades gone by, was perhaps in better health than it is now). Maybe it’s just me, but it does seem like there are many aspects to consider when planning a family today, rather than simply blurting out “ooh, my clock’s ticking. Time for a baby. Ta daaaa”.

Or take a friend of mine, who, speaking on the financial burden of parenting, insists that, “oh, you just make do when you have kids. You find a way to manage”. That may be so. But his mother often chips in for the school fees of the oldest child, helps in times of cash-flow strife, and happily buys both juniors ample sets of clothing. Not everyone has parents like that.

But it’s not the financial implications of parenting that worry me, because I’m sure we can all “make do” when push comes to shove regarding monetary matters. Rather, it’s the thoroughly depressing thought that I could bring someone into a world that is in complete ruin. I know that’s an excessively gloomy outlook, and that people have managed to survive World Wars and worse without saying “right, the world’s a mess. No more babies for us until world peace or the petrol price comes down. Whichever comes first”. But maybe they were just so terrified of being abruptly obliterated that bonking feverishly in the bomb shelter was the only thing that made sense.

I’m not married, but more than likely will be (soonish). Naturally, the question of children is never far from the lips of would-be grandparents. So that’s why I ask this question now. Would you, without all the very valid cooing and oohing arguments that parenthood induces (“they make you so happy” etc etc), want to have children in a world where food riots are becoming increasingly common, where almost every future scenario is bleakly disheartening (rising sea-levels! Increasingly violent weather! Sharks winning the Currie Cup! Again!), where unemployment marches on rampantly, and other such miseries that can all be found on the first four pages of every newspaper, daily, plague us?

My gran, who lived through the Second World War, often says she’d hate to raise children now. Maybe this is down to naivety of the age she lived though, or maybe it’s because things truly were different so many years ago. I don’t know.

I like kids. I would love to have some of my own that I could indoctrinate, and send to my old school, and other such traditionally parenty things. But should we consider all of the above when thinking about having kids. New parents, what worried or worries you the most?

Or is it acceptable to still wing it, like I’m sure my parents did when my brother and I came along - “oh fuck, another one. Now what do we? Ah, it’s okay, we’ll manage. Give him that cardboard box to play with”.

That’s all I’m asking. I’m not saying I don’t want children. I just want to know what you think, all things considered. Yes or no. And why.


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