Earth will self-destruct in 3,2,1
2009-07-28 11:20
I keep my golf clubs in the corner of my room and use them predominantly as a makeshift hat stand. Just enough light hits the bag to give it a faint night-time shadow, so if I ever wake up in the middle of the night or too early in the morning I crap myself because it looks like there's a blue cowboy hat-wearing leprechaun brandishing a nine-iron at me. Also, my Mac sounds like WALL-E when it starts up. I thought you'd like to know that.
Anyway, I was on leave for about a week then I got sick, so I missed about two weeks of (real) work recently (operating a till at Shoprite is more profitable than column writing, plus customers are less abusive).
Until I was ill I surfed, watched movies, ran, drank and generally avoided televised, print and broadcast news or anything grounded in reality. So, unfortunately, I missed a few sad episodes of Carte Blanche where the very sad people spoke sadly of the sad things happening in their lives. What a pleasure.
Two days back into routine, though, and it's hard to believe that the world is still functioning. Has the world ever been more combustible than it is at present? Talking to some old people - my Gran - she can confirm that it's been on edge before. But nothing quite like it is at present.
Just some of the headlines from yesterday's press: "Burma going nuclear", "India launches nuclear sub", "Britain to force immigrants to live in Scotland", "Rioting workers kill boss in China", "Brad and Angelina buy iced-coffees at McDonald's" and, closer to home, "Striking workers predictably go on the rampage and make life hell for the poor okes just trying to do their jobs" (that last one is a bit longer than the actual headline, but you get the gist). People are angry.
When you've been sitting on your surfboard for a few weeks those types of news stories hit you right in the gut. I mean, honestly, iced-coffees? From McDonald's? Have they no shame? More worryingly, though, why, when the world should be a relatively enlightened place, are countries stocking up on nuclear weapons?
They might have chopped your head off for eating cake prior to the French Revolution, but at least they were polite about it. Longshanks may have hung, drawn and quartered William Wallace, but he was really just trying to get the savages on the other side of Hadrian's Wall to enjoy a cup of fine English tea (my history might be off here).
But now everyone just wants to blow each other up, or protect themselves in the event that someone tries to blow them up first. There are a little of people in power who seem dead-set against learning anything from the history books. "Let's see. Ah, Lesson One: Wars kill lots of innocent people and, actually, solve few problems. Hmph. Sounds boring. Lesson Two: How to blow shit up. Ah ha, that's more like it."
We've already got North Korea with an itchy trigger finger, and they're reportedly helping out Burma set up their nuclear stall. Burma, a country that does really bad things to nice little old Buddhist monks and locks up its would-be leader because she went to the shops wearing a bob instead of a ponytail. Okay, she's also totally opposed to the ruling military regime, but still, these are not guys you want operating sparklers, let alone end of days-style warheads.
I'm more aghast by India's move into the nuclear arms front. To be fare, their dodgy neighbour is highly unstable and if you've watched any kind of decent television you'll know that the Pakistanis store all their nuclear material in leaky flasks on avalanche prone mountain tops in rickety sheds that could explode at any moment wiping out the entire region, so you can't blame India for wanting to be prepared.
But this is a civilised nation. They play excellent cricket for goodness sakes. They have Sachin. And Gary Kirsten. Why do they need a nuclear sub, especially one called Arihant (Destroyer of Enemies in plain "we intend to royally fuck you up" English)?
That's nice and subtle. "Hey Pakistan. We have a submarine. It's called Destroyer of Enemies. Just send some punks over to Mumbai again and see what happens. Bam. No more Lahore. That'll teach you."
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