Not another hymn
2009-11-24 10:22
Just quickly, before we begin the name-calling and insults today, I thought I'd bring to your attention a charming bit of news that might have slipped under the radar due to the "Out Damn Zimbabweans, Out" headlines of the last few weeks. Last month Muammar Gaddafi, Africa's swinging elder statesman and suavest follower of Islam on the continent (his African-motif causal shirts put Nelson’s to shame), ordered 500 "leggy lovelies" to attend a shindig he was hosting in Rome.
The agency responsible for finding the girls was told that they should be at least 5ft 7in, aged between 18 and 35, and should not wear mini skirts or plunging necklines, although "high heels were okay" (what a gentleman). The benevolent Colonel was said to have addressed the crowd on the merits of the Muslim faith and then sent the bemused girls on their way with their own copy of the Qur'an. The man may live all the way in secretive Libya and mumble incoherently during interviews, but he sure knows how to get his point across.
Which brings me, with absolutely no connection whatsoever, to my next subject. Hymns. And specifically hymns at weddings. Now I know I touched on this way back in May, when I wrote rather disparagingly about weddings and the wholesome idea of holy matrimony. Well, the wonderful thing about being human is that we're allowed to change our minds and don't necessarily need to believe the same things forever and ever. If we did remain dogmatic to the very end, we'd all end up like ET, roaming the countryside in faded khaki drumming up support amongst the bare-footed and bible bashed, in the hope that 326 people will finally form their disillusioned breakaway republic.
Anyway, I went to a wedding last weekend that was quite moving in its sincerity and, due to the very blatant love and affection between the couple getting married, rather romantic. So many weddings are weighed down by sombre and earnest "readings" or by couples who look like they are simply going through the motions. This wasn't one of those weddings. The groom was a goofy and emotional wreck when his bride walked down the aisle. Later, his speech was interrupted by his loving tears to such an extent that the bride had to finish his words for him. Even Adrian Kuiper was there, and everyone knows if Kuips is around that's 35% more awesomeness guaranteed at any social gathering. Now that's a wedding.
But the hymns, my goodness the hymns. It's the 21st century people, and we must adapt to the times. Hymns usually have a religious connotation and are often a way of saying thanks or praying in a sweet, lyrical manner.
However, the fact that no one sings them with any kind of gusto at weddings tells me one of two things: either people are embarrassed to unleash the full might of their singing voices, or they just don't go to church often enough anymore, and they've forgotten the words and cadence of their favourite prayer songs. As it's highly unlikely that you'll be shy at a wedding, where it's mostly family and friends, I must conclude that the heathens out there are skipping their Sunday singing vigils.
If that's the case then we need to look at something different to replace the respectful, but dirge-like act of hymn singing. It's only around four minutes of time that needs to be filled, but it's four minutes that can make or break the mood of the day. Perhaps we could take a leaf out of Gaddafi's book and hand out worthy books of praise depending on your denomination.
Or maybe wedding planners can look into hiring those freaky hippies who throw sticks of fire into the air and dance around in their unwashed clothes, that'll certainly keep the wedding guests guessing. How about a drum solo from the local church band? Why not something cultural, like a four-minute re-enactment of the couple's courtship to date, that way the "how we met" part of the wedding speeches can be skipped. Dancing monkeys, parading camels, a video of a cooking show, a sing-a-long from Fiddler On The Roof or Oliver!, I would buy those sweet red roses, anything but another mournful hymn... please.
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