Same news, different year

2009-01-06 10:01

David Moseley

You know, I thought something smelled a little familiar when the year kicked off last week. After yet again not bothering to pick up a paper for the holiday period, I came back to the office, scanned the headlines, and found that JZ is planning to get married again.

Talk about déjà vu.

Almost exactly a year ago he got married to wife number four. Now number five is on the cards and I can't even write about it because I used all the good jokes on the 8th of January 2008. Dammit Jacob, you're giving a brother no chance at all here.

I suppose there is the tragedy that is the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to muse upon as the year starts, but to be perfectly honest, I know too little about the grudge match to comment educationally.

I came back from my holiday and saw a headline that mistakenly read "Gazza bombed" and thought, well that's a cruel way to deal with an ex-footballer with a drink problem. Suffice to say, you'd think that people would eventually grow tired of killing each other over land. Obviously not, it's an age-old tradition.

Anyway, the real journalists can deal with the real issues in their writings. I'm a page three kind of guy, so back to local politicians it is. Our chaps seemingly love a bit of media coverage. From Julius to Terror to Zwelinzima and Blade (and a few more ladies and gents whose names escape me after too many Christmas G&Ts), all the players on the South African political scene enjoy a good deal of time in the headlines.

So how do they handle the holidays when the papers are thinner, the readers more interested in cold turkey, and the journalists are filing straight off the wires rather than bothering to nail their own interviews? And what do you think these guys get up to when the headlights of the press are dimmed for those few festive weeks?

Pillow talk

Well, we know Trevor Manual got married to Maria Ramos. That's the Minister of Finance and the CEO of Absa, which I believe is a bank of some sort. That honeymoon must have made for some arithmetically arousing pillow talk.

"Interest rates, rate cut, foreign exchange." Ooh Trev dear, I love it when you talk numbers.

"Sub-prime, mortgage, 11.4%, petrol price." Oh Trevor, you devil, any more of that and I'm going to bring the calculator into the bedroom. And not just any calculator - the scientific calculator...

Trevor and Maria, wedded and fiscal bliss.

As for the rest, I imagine the likes of JZ sitting at home with his Santa hat on, ruing the fact that he had to buy diamonds for two wives instead of just one, but that pain is soon taken away when he sees his glittering present under the Christmas tree - a whole country, wrapped in a pretty red ribbon, to play with for the next five years.

Thanks Thabo, you shouldn't have.

I can just see Mosiuoa Lekota bunkered down in a dark room over Christmas and New Years, plotting to derail the JZ train, all the while getting bothered by family and friends to open presents, turn the meat and feign excitement when he gets a lawn-mower for Christmas.

"Thanks love, but all I really want is a spot on the ballot box."

It's a hint, Mosiuoa. Just because you're out to get Jacob, doesn't mean you can let that garden go to seed...

Politicians. I'm sure they're as normal as the rest of us.

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