David Moseley

Yours for a day, a political plaything

2013-05-14 13:08

David Moseley

The Gupta family has shown that money and power may influence the feeble minded in political power, but by handing out food parcels to lip-licking ANC comrades what they've shown us is that all politicians really crave is a decent lunch.

By providing the North West office of the ANC with special lunches and Spider-Man lucky packets, the Guptas have ensured another six votes for their pal the president.

Unwittingly, they've also lifted the lid on a previously secret scheme that forces politicians and their cross-eyed cohorts to do your bidding as long as you can supply their favourite meal.

Now, for the first time in the history of our country, ordinary South Africans can spend time with their favourite politicians or help sway opinion, all for the price of a toasted tuna mayo (depending on your provincial region, of course).

A secret dossier, detailing the preferred meals of those who think they know what’s best for us, has also been leaked to the media.

For instance, should you desire Lindiwe Mazibuko to attend your child's piano solo at school prize-giving, you simply have to offer her a traditional Sunday roast with Yorkshire puddings. To ensure uninterrupted electricity supply through winter, a steaming apple crumble with Ultramel should do the trick.

If you'd like Helen Zille to hold court at your braai, a simple cracker and glass of water for the ultimate empathiser will suffice. She’ll tell you all about her day.

ANC Youth League comrades will almost certainly carry out community service duties for the price of bread and fish, such is their devotion to the upliftment of the people, while Cope and the Freedom Front Plus will promise to become relevant, all for your sake dear citizen, if you take them along to any one of Cape Town’s trendily overpriced lunchtime eateries.

Got a candidate in mind to head your own political party? Need a ringing endorsement from a wily old campaigner? Then look no further than Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, who will orchestrate your campaign and provide a suitably murky origins story all for the chance to enjoy high tea at the Mount Nelson.

Not to be left out, cosy Cosatu buddies Zwelinzima Vavi and Tony Ehrenreich will rally your troops - for a pay rise, a protest or for some good ol’ anti-colonial rant that's 30 years out of place - for the price of a union approved fish paste sandwich.

Yes, fellow citizens, we've reached a golden age of bribery, where the whiff of toast and cheese is enough to secure the services of your president.

- Follow @david_moseley on Twitter.

Send your comments to David

Disclaimer:
News24 encourages freedom of speech and the expression of diverse views. The views of columnists published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24
.

NEXT ON NEWS24X

SHARE:

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
5 comments
Comments have been closed for this article.

Inside News24

 
/News

Book flights

Compare, Book, Fly

Traffic Alerts
Traffic
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.