War on Walmart!
The other day I was driving home in my Toyota from the Shell petrol station and stopped at KFC. I was damn hungry after being at the Virgin Active and there wasn’t enough Coca-Cola in the world to satisfy my thirst.
When I got home I realised I didn’t have any Surf so picked up my Bic and made a note in my Moleskin. Then I went to my PC and logged onto News24 and read all about how Massmart is being bought out by Walmart and how absolutely shocking it is.
Well I wasn’t having any of that! I immediately started writing a letter to the IOL-owned publication The Star. I picked up my Android-powered Samsung and called my friend - got a great deal on the device from Vodacom - but she wasn’t available as she is staying in the Radisson in Cape Town. She flew on British Airways just a day earlier.
It was tough to find someone with which to commiserate this news. I immediately dashed to Hooters where I drank a Heineken and smoked a Marlboro (lit with a Bic lighter) to relax. My Adidas gym shoes were dirty so I was wearing my Crocs which I bought at Woolworths. Thank goodness the boxing was on ESPN so I had something to distract me from this Walmart business.
My mate Brendan arrived and we chatted about how the FIFA World Cup sponsored by Adidas was such a great success last year. He pulled out his Blackberry and checked his balance quickly - ABSA (owned by Barclays) makes it so easy nowadays. His American Express payment went through and so he offered to pay for dinner. Oh sorry, it’s not Amex it’s a Visa. I mean a Mastercard. I mean a Diners.
After dinner I slunk home and had a nice cup of Milo (a Nestle product) with Parmalat milk before bed.
Thank goodness for the stress-relieving timeout with Brendan. I was so worried about foreign intervention and ownership screwing with the South African economy.
- Simon Williamson is a freelance writer.
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