Guest Column

JZ showsoff his ‘funny democracy’

2017-04-02 07:49
Paddy Harper

Paddy Harper

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Paddy Harper

Friday. It’s an immaculate Durban autumn morning.

I should be in the water watching the sun steadily climbing towards the sky.

I’m not. Instead, I’m desperately trying to find something funny to say about President Jacob Zuma’s midnight special.

Only Nxamalala would reshuffle Cabinet in the dead of night, purging it of everybody who stood up at struggle hero Ahmed Kathrada’s funeral or who refused to take instructions from the Zupta machine while the rest of us were sleeping. This sh*t isn’t funny; it’s scary.

I am puzzling to get my funny on, despite the crop of candidates the president has provided in some of his ministerial choices.

Maybe it’s the fact that the commander in chief has made it clear that his deployment committee is sitting in Saxonwold and not at Luthuli House. Or, it may have to do with the sad reality that the ANC boss doesn’t seem to care if his actions cost the party the national and provincial elections in 2019, or the rest of us our futures.

On a superficial level, some of Msholozi’s choices are funny, albeit in a sick, cruel way.

There’s a malignant, putrid humour in making Malusi Gigaba, a cat who saw nothing wrong with using Parliament’s money to buy flowers for his honey, the minister of finance.

Gigabyte has nice suits and looks lovely on Instagram and all that, but the man couldn’t keep his side-chick quiet on social media, nor could he keep the lights on when he was the Eskom lahnee.

I’m also sure that there’s a military veteran out there somewhere who’s giggling about what happened to their investment company, Makana, when his deputy, Sfiso Buthelezi, was running things for them, but I wouldn’t put money on it.

The fur-collared field marshall’s uniform that Fikile Mbalula is having tailored as we speak will be worth a chortle or two. As will the excuses he’ll use to justify spending millions on bring ageing US R&B artists, whose careers have failed, to perform at SA Police Service graduation ceremonies.

The crooks must be howling with laughter at the idea of Razzmatazz as minister of police. As long as they don’t start a twar and commit their crimes in less than 140 characters, they’re in the game, especially if it’s before our man gets out of bed at 11am. Even if they do cross swords with Mbaks, they won’t get locked up – our man will either call them losers or block them.

Maybe this was what the president was talking about in Parliament the other day when he reckoned that our democracy was funny.

Read more on:    jacob zuma  |  politcs
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