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Chris Roper

Ways of lying

2009-05-20 13:12

Chris Roper

So Gordon Brown is going to dismantle the "gentlemen's club" of Parliament (his words), averring that it "can no longer operate as a 19th-century institution where the members make up the rules, and operate them among themselves".

I don't know... what's the point of being a politician if you aren't allowed a little honest thieving? I mean, really, has it come to this - where the people who elected you to power actually have a say in how you spend their money?

Still, that's in the beknighted (sic) island kingdom of Britain. Here, we still have a long way to go before our politicians have to resign over a silly little thing like expenses claims.

My word, our Travelgate MPs must be giggling to themselves around the gravy trough. Especially ones like travel voucher fraudster Craig Morkel, who I believe is still an ANC MP.

Having said that, it is good to see that our MPs have way fewer privileges than British ones.

For example, they only get R25 000 reimbursement for airport parking, and their 86 free domestic flights a year have to be on economy class. A frugal bunch indeed. Well, except for the ones who get caught, obviously.

Amusing reactions

I was intrigued by a headline from TheMediaOnline.co.za, claiming "Magazines interact with readers".

Turned out it wasn't about magazines that chat you up in a coffee shop, buy you a cappuccino and then take you home for the afternoon, but instead a boring account of the usual half-assed Web 2.0 meets mobile marketing campaign that desperate agencies believe will create new clients. Something about using the new-fangled technology of photography to send MMS pics as competition entries.

I was about to write a scathing critique of people who write crap headlines about non-stories, when I noticed the comment that had been left under the story.

One Julian writes, despairingly, "Clever - But now we can't guarantee that readers' snapshots will ever get to their intended destination, can we? After the Idols debacle, how many people will enter R2.00 per entry SMS competitions anymore?"

Ha ha! Julian, people can't even remember Idols a week later, never mind any so-called debacle. Nobody has a memory for that stuff, relax. It's always highly amusing when people react to minor hiccups as if they're major tragedies, and it's also very, very South African.

One week, we're lamenting the fact that our new president is going to be a man who's under a cloud because of previous corruption allegations, the next we're totally in love with the all-new dancin' Zuma. Look at him go! That's a mover and shaker.

But perhaps this is our way of being in our world, where we're up one day, down the next, and where we find it highly amusing that someone like Transport Minister S'bu Ndebele has returned his Mercedes Benz gift, but nothing else.

Or, in the words of Informed Source Roger, who mailed me with the following semi-lucid information:

    "Okay Sbu gives car back, not because he realises it's a conflict of interests but because he wants to 'avoid the hassle'. Okay that's messed up, but what everyone is missing is the fact that he wasn't only given a car, he was given a whole lot of cattle as well (according to the Mercury on the day it happened, they reported it as a nice gesture). He has not given the cattle back. It seems that he's only given the car back because it's what everyone noticed. Anyway draw your own conclusions."

I could draw my own conclusions, but why bother when I have readers who can do that for me in the comments section. Instead, I'll turn to the end of Kevin Bloom's recent book, Ways of Staying, for inspiration.

Looking to the future

It's a great book, a soberly realistic account of the crap bits of living in South Africa, from xenophobia to crime to the impossibility of getting your Alfa serviced.

I urge you to buy it; it'll give you some valuable insight into the ways South Africans deal with their world. Or our world, which is really the point.

He looks to the future, and writes of a time when "maybe... we will have new means of embracing the world, new limbs in place of the figurative ones we have lost - just from being here, just because these are our ways of staying."

It does seem that we evolve to meet the challenges that life in SA throws at us, mainly because we don't have much choice half the time. Man, it's a laugh. Even for the corrupt and the criminal, alas, but I guess even politicians need a laugh every now and then.

Chris Roper blogs on www.chrisroper.co.za. Join my Facebook group, or follow me on Twitter @@ChrisRoperZA.

Send your comments to Chris.

Disclaimer: News24 encourages freedom of speech and the expression of diverse views. The views of columnists published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24.

- News24

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Comment on this story


Robert 5/20/2009 1:44:03 PM
hahahaha... I rather enjoyed that. Ever see the movie "Wag the Dog"... just create more of a disturbance somewhere else... or make a big deal of a car, and give it back ;)

Freshly Ground 5/20/2009 1:51:27 PM
Sorry bud, he gave the cows back as well. By the way there were only two cows and not a herd... "What's the point in being a journalist if you aren't allowed a little bit of honest fact twisting."

Birdman 5/20/2009 2:09:52 PM
The real point is that the gifts should never have been accepted in the 1st place. Especially gifts of this magnitude. JZ thinks its OK to keep them so his morals have not improved post-election. It is a right to be rewarded in this way in Africa.

Crystal 5/20/2009 2:20:13 PM
ETV Prime time news also quoted two herds of cows -so Freshly Ground - think you've got it wrong

informed source 5/20/2009 2:28:03 PM
Craig Morkel was an MP - not anymore. Little shy on facts here ...

Phinah 5/20/2009 2:28:37 PM
Ever thought about how many "private business" executives, managers, CEO etc actually receive gifts... such as the one Sbu had to take back? I personally think that we should have come to a conclusion that being a politician is actually eing a volunteer, whoo is only allowed to receive the R1.3M per annum, and nothing else. Will sending flowers also be seen as gifts?

jen 5/20/2009 2:30:13 PM
and work with things the way they are, however wrong we believe it to be. Grease the right palms, get a job done. Perhaps we are being overly idealistic and hopeful to think SA could be any different from the rest of Africa.

jen 5/20/2009 2:34:52 PM
ag shame, poor politicians. How could they possibly survive on that?

Eduardo 5/20/2009 2:42:38 PM
Hi Chris, long time no read. Glad you're back with some quality. For diversions I've been having to check out Mosely, who is really bad. And he drinks cider.

faithless 5/20/2009 3:02:14 PM
rewarded (with a Merc) when you do things by the book. Really when last has an honest person gotten a fair deal in this country?

Shrek 5/20/2009 3:10:08 PM
Give back the car, no problem...but the cows. Keep the cows Sbu. Nothing beats a good piece of fillet steak and with winter here, I could use a good leather jacket. If nothing thing else, at least the cow would have kept your mother in law company.

Eyes Wide Open 5/20/2009 3:18:36 PM
Welcome to Zuma's Banana Republic!

Chris Roper 5/20/2009 3:23:08 PM
I'm quoting a reader's mail, it's supposed to indicate interest of South Africans in the topic, I didn't mean it as reportage. It is two cows, and it appears he has (belatedly) given them back as well now. Early reports suggested he only gave back the Merc. Seems that's changed.

Karen 5/20/2009 3:30:45 PM
You're right this article is very shy on facts. The gifts received, actually included not only the merc, but also 2 cows (not 2 herds of cows, Crystal), a flat screen tv, petrol vouchers to the value of some ridiculous amount, to name but a few. He also did not just give it back, he gave it to the foundation he founded to be sold to help finance it. He really won all around with this one. He got brownie points for declaring the gifts, waited for a bit for the media spotlight and then said he would return the gifts. He also referred the matter to Zuma who said he could keep the gifts, so he made himself look less corruptible than Zuma - not very difficult, but every brownie point helps. He also got brownie points from the foundation for donating his gifts back to them to assist with financing. What a hero - what a calculated move all around, what a politician, hats off, seems very few saw the whole manipulation or the distance he got out of this.

Chris Roper 5/20/2009 3:36:25 PM
Morkel not MP anymore, apologies for that. Lucky I qualified that with 'I believe'. Which will now be, I believe incorrectly.

Max 5/20/2009 4:09:00 PM
I wonder what gifts the guys at Sasol got for their colusion on the wax and fertilizer markets. I see the fine imposed on them by the competition commission has been increased due to certain facts being "left out" during their initial declaration. I wonder if Sasol realises how much this sort of thing hurts the competitiveness of the small business man. I wish someone would investigate their dealings in the SA plastics market...

susie 5/20/2009 4:12:03 PM
Mosely is great - on a par with Chris,(and he hates cider!)

CrisisOfFaith 5/20/2009 4:14:01 PM
He donated his gifts to his own foundation? And still got all the fantastic publicity? Priceless - the man is a genius!

Al 5/20/2009 4:22:28 PM
Think about it practically, does it really make any difference? Does accepting a gift make one naturally corrupt and fraudulent if you're in a position of power? Does it really, at a practical level, make any difference to the lives of any of us? What's the value barometer here anyway? It's only a problem if a gift prejudices the receiver in some way ... where's the proof of that actually having taken place? The UK MP's made fraudulent expense claims. N'debele got a car as a gift.

Puleng 5/20/2009 4:55:06 PM
Did Sbu only receive Merc? big NO!Cows as well.the moment i hear that Sbu has returned the gift, i will expect to see pictures of those who complained bout the car,dressed up in their fine suit materials,heading the cattle away from where Sbu is keeping them at the moment.i'll be 100% satisfied to see that. the jealous politicians must take the cattle back cos if they dont,it'll be crystal clear that they are just unjust and thoughtless.their actions lack sense.

fnd 5/20/2009 9:52:54 PM
Surely the real reason that Sbu was happy to return the Merc is that, as he so blithely pointed out, Cabinet Ministers have a car allowance of over R1 million - roughly the value of the Merc in other words. This doesn't, however, explain why he returned the cattle. Btw the confusion over 'herd' is because it was actually 'two head' of cattle. Often sounds much the same.

mlomo 5/21/2009 6:54:34 AM
Chris, I appreciate that you are not an investigative journalist or even a journalist (more a columnist?) but aren't you intrigued as to why these contractors would give Sbu a R1m Merc? A nice corrupt little cess pool waiting to be uncovered? Too scared?
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