Thabo: The golden years
2008-09-23 14:45
David Moseley
Thabo Mbeki doesn't look like the kind of guy who plays a lot of golf. With those cosy knitted cardigans? An intense match of Scrabble maybe. Perhaps a game of Sudoku while he whittles away time on his overseas sojourns.
With that dapper sense of style he could certainly hold his own in the World's finest casinos. But he's not the biggest risk-taker. Unless, of course, there's a roulette table spinning temptingly in front of him, offering unique odds on the cause of Aids.
Perhaps the odd game of Eye-Spy when he's taking his tea in Harare. "Hey Bob, I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'J'."
I give up Thabo, what is it?
"Ha. It's Jacob. I saw him this morning crossing the border. Says he's coming for you next. Fancies one of your Kariba holiday house boats."
But golf? In his political dotage? Naah. Just not Thabo's style. So what's a former president to do in retirement?
Odd jobs
I can't see Will Smith, Beyonce and Danny K bashing out their greatest hits at a tribute concert. There's no way the Fresh Prince is going to don a cardy. A Madiba Shirt? Sure thing. But a fluffy Pringle pullover? No chance. He won't be getting any couch time with Oprah. One African leader per series run is more than enough, thank you very much.
Worse still, not even Deborah Patta could raise her investigative ire and usual tone of righteous indignation (she saves that tone for the unscrupulous rehab centre operators) when commenting on Mr Mbeki's demise. So he can forget about a career as a political analyst on e's twenty-bore hour news programme.
There has been talk of the Sweatered One working with the ANC in some capacity, but I imagine the very dignified Mr Mbeki would balk at the idea of chauffeuring Julius Malema around town.
The seemingly aloof nature of the man, the chilling stare (which was used to particularly good effect on Sunday night) and his back-to-the-wall positioning throughout the latter stages of his presidential run will all stand him in better stead for some post-retirement jobs more than others.
He's an ideal candidate to take over the Springbok coaching reigns when Peter de Villiers' finally mumbles his way into a corner. Mr Mbeki is black (but like black, black. Not coloured black. So that's at least three points for transformation), he's used to leading a team that doesn't want to listen to him and surely being an ex-president will exclude the usual political fiddling with Bok selection.
Telling tales
How about a career as a tour operator? No one knows more about the country than a former president, right? He can guide eager tourists around our fine land, dispersing information that hardly anyone else could give. "And over here is where Nelson told me all about running a country. I missed a few bits here and there because I couldn't get the tobacco into my pipe. But I got the gist of his drift."
Mbeki's Trekkies. I like it. I'd pay for that tour.
Tony Blair, Bill Clinton and even our beloved FW all make a killing on the guest-speaking circuit. After his farewell to the nation on Sunday, I dare say that those retired leaders are quaking at the thought of losing their retirement income to Thabo.
With such wacky yarns to spin ('How to Buy Warships and Alienate People', 'Forget Machine Guns, Bring Me My Quiet Diplomacy' and 'The Wild Bunch: Inside The ANCYL') , Thabo will have them rolling in the aisles.
Bill may have Monica; Tony the lovely yet deranged Cherie, but none of them have ever bitch-slapped a comrade live on stage. That's a story. He may have looked glum on Sunday night, but things are looking up for Thabo.
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