Creating more problems
2009-05-21 13:30
There are times in life when I realise things don't work quite how I imagine them to. Here's a "f'rinstance" for you: I imagine that somewhere there's a department, deep in the bowels of some municipal government building, where many clever people work.
Their job is to keep the traffic in Johannesburg flowing with the maximum efficiency. These scientific types use charts and graphs and traffic surveys, all illuminated by light boxes, to calculate how to combat snarl-ups, what road markings must go where and whether new robots can be placed at certain intersections as requested by the public.
Now, I'm not entirely sure how misguided my imaginings of this department are. A friend of mine once told me that she knew the guy who was one of the few remaining people qualified to work out traffic flow in the city - so I think that's what sparked the fantasy. Perhaps I misremembered, or perhaps the chap has immigrated, but I am now absolutely convinced that that is what this department is - a fantasy.
The evidence has been building up for some time, but in general, has caused me to feel sorry for the scientific types. After all, trying to make sense of the mayhem wrought by taxis and luxury car drivers who refuse to obey the rules of the road, and to keep it all under control, must be a thankless job, but there been one final straw of evidence that shattered the proverbial camel’s back of my fantasy.
The evidence is this: A new turning arrow has been installed near where I live on the corner of Grant Avenue and Iris Avenue in Norwood. It has been installed to alleviate the frustration of people turning right into Grant from Iris, who occasionally clog up the traffic for people going straight from the same lane.
Now, I spend a lot of time on Grant Avenue in rush hour. I walk my dog and do the daily shopping at that time. I have never found the wait in that particular intersection to be problematic. After all, it is rush hour, and one can expect to wait for a couple of robot changes to get through any intersection.
But, the turning arrow has been installed. I question its necessity at all, but whatever the case may be, the full aeon that people turning right into Grant now have to complete their manoeuvre would allow them to pause to complete writing War and Peace and still make the turn.
This turning arrow has mucked everything up (and another word that rhymes with "muck") on Grant Avenue during rush hour to "New York during the Black Out" proportions. While things might be better for the people turning right, traffic in every other direction is clogged up for blocks.
It's that kind of impassable, unavoidable traffic that eventually sees people jumping lights three blocks back after watching three changes from green to red and back again without making any progress.
The chaos is so bad that my husband and I now try to walk the dog a full hour earlier, and if we get caught in it, execute a complex sigil of zigzags through Norwood to avoid it.
So, it's clear to me that no scientific types in the bowels of a government building were consulted to do a traffic survey and work out, using charts and graphs, the potential chaos that would be wrought by the installation of this turning arrow. Some barely qualified technician just came along one day and tinkered with the traffic lights and messed it all up for everyone, except the right turners.
A friend of mine has suggested that the robot lies on a local councillor's route home. I wouldn't be surprised.
• Georgina Guedes is a freelance journalist. She's happy she doesn't have to keep working hours.
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