Climbing her ladder
2008-09-30 09:35
Aneeqah Emeran
Cape Town - Many women still find juggling a career and family life challenging and often feel stuck and unhappy, according to Fiona Coyne.
Coyne, most popularly known as the quizmaster on television's The Weakest Link, takes a look at how women have been shaped by society to accept their roles and advises them on how to overcome this in order to become successful career women in her self-help book Who moved my Ladder?
The new edition of the book, which was first released in March 2007, has recently come out. News24 chatted to Coyne to find out about challenges still facing women today.
News24: What was the inspiration behind writing the book?
As a Communication Specialist, I consult and train largely in the corporate arena. In the course of my work I was meeting too many women who, by their own admission, were feeling trapped and unhappy.
If I was going to help them, I needed to try and understand their dilemma. Thus I began researching how working women feel and operate, and the book was born from that.
News24: How did you research the book and how long did it take to complete?
The findings are anecdotal. Using a snowball methodology I interviewed close on two hundred women, ranging from back-office girls to high flyers. They were all asked the same set of questions. Many of the interviews were one-on-one, whilst others were telephonic.
In some instances people contacted me to tell me about their experiences and perceptions. From start to finish, and excluding a three-day gap whilst I moved house, it took six months to research and write.
News24: The book is a self-help guide for the modern working woman/mother/wife. Why do you think these women need help?
I don't believe that any book can ever be a magic recipe that transforms lives or provides the secrets of success. But that being said, women are under a huge amount of pressure and taking strain much of the time and I think the hardest part of overcoming the obstacles they face, and gearing themselves to be successful, is learning how to recognise what the obstacles are in the first place.
And that's what I wanted to do with the book, to provide women with a tool that would encourage them to honestly assess their own attitudes, behaviours and fears; to hopefully see for themselves which of their behaviours might be hindering them, and which are helping them.
A lot of women have told me that, apart from anything else, they felt enormously relieved after reading the book, because it helped them realise they are not alone in their situation and they are not "crazy" to feel depressed and anxious at times.
News24: In your book, you say that the modern day woman battles with some degree of depression because she tries to juggle a career, marriage and/or motherhood. Why is this?
Ask any juggler: the faster you try to juggle, the more balls you are likely to drop. Metaphorically speaking, this is precisely what is what is happening with a lot of women who are juggling so many aspects of their lives: they begin to drop balls both at home and at work because often there is simply far too much on their plates.
When they begin to feel they are not coping as well as they would like, they experience feelings that range from inadequacy and guilt to anger to resentment and exhaustion. All of these feelings can and do feed depression. The more depressed they feel, of course, the more balls they drop. It is a vicious cycle.
News24: Do you think women should have it all or should they choose one or the other?
Of course women can have it all. The million dollar question, though, is what exactly we mean by "having it all". Each of us has to define for ourselves what we mean by that.
As far as I am concerned, "having it all" is about knowing that you are making constant progress in your life; it is about refusing to get stuck in a rut or to confine yourself to other people's expectations; it's about being willing to take chances and to keep testing our range and our scope.
Women have to learn that we are not the only people who can parent or run a home "properly". Be willing to cede some domestic control and you'll be pleasantly surprised.
News24: You categorise women as "Frieda the Feeder", "Nina the Neurotic", "Pearl the Perfectionist" and "Martha the Martyr". In which category/categories would you place yourself? Why?
Oh, without doubt I fall into the Pearl category. Or should I say, I used to. I am working hard on the more defeating behaviours of being a perfectionist. People in the Pearl category are so hell bent on doing things "perfectly" that they run the risk of becoming isolated and emotionally disengaged from other people.
I plead guilty to this. I think it's important that we be able to identify, honestly, where we're at and how we're behaving, and the four categories in the book help the reader to make those identifications.
News24: What are the main things that career women need to overcome in order to reach and smash the glass ceiling?
Well now, I could write a whole book on this. Oh, that's right, I did. Seriously, I think the first step is to be able to name - in concrete, positive terms - precisely what it is that we want in life. Once you've named it, you start taking baby steps in that direction.
The biggest problem, it seems to me, is that too few people are able to name what they want. They talk about being "successful" or being "happy". But that is far too vague. Step 1: learn to communicate clearly with yourself!
News24: What's next for Fiona Coyne? Will you be releasing more books in the near future?
I have at least three books up my sleeve that I want to write, but right now I am hugely excited to be entering into a business partnership with a fabulous, strong woman - Yoni Titi. The company is called Coyne Titi Business Evolution. We provide professional development training with a strong emphasis on professional communication.
This is taking up all my time at the moment, but I am so thrilled about this development in my life, and to be working with a woman of the calibre of Yoni that the books will have to wait a while. I suppose we'll just have to watch this space!
Fiona Coyne, thank you for talking to News24.
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