Mom in shock over missing grave

2008-02-05 09:39

Amelia de Milander

Jeffrey's Bay - The trauma of a mother who lost her second son last week was compounded when he couldn't be buried as planned on Saturday.

Fate struck local resident Lesley Toerien another blow when one of her six children, 21-year-old Ewan was killed in a car crash in Jeffrey's Bay on January 23.

Her other son Joshua died in a motorcycle crash at the age of 18 two years ago. He was buried in the local cemetery.

Toerien asked at the time that Joshua's grave be dug three metres deep, instead of the usual two. She wanted to be buried on top of him when she died.

Couldn't find grave

When Ewan died last week, she decided that he should instead be buried in the same grave as his brother Joshua.

The pastor had to inform mourners from the pulpit on Saturday morning that Ewan's burial would not be able to follow the funeral service.

"We couldn't find Joshua's grave anywhere when we wanted to open it up on Friday for Ewan's burial," said funeral undertaker Dean Gilbert.

The Toerien family had not yet erected a tombstone on Joshua's grave, and where the grave should have been, as explained to Gilbert, was another tombstone with the name Royston Mack on it.

"When Ewan's sister Jackie Venter went to look for herself she was very upset because the Mack tombstone had definitely been erected on the wrong grave, the one where she knew Joshua was buried," Gilbert said.

Because the funeral arrangements had already been made it was decided to go ahead with the service. The actual burial was postponed for the time being.

Ewan's body had to remain at Gilbert's funeral parlour until Joshua's grave had been identified.

The Kouga municipality couldn't help, they said, because documents on all the graves and who was buried where had been recently sent by courier to Pretoria to be entered in a new database.

"The worst was when one of the officials made the snide remark that it was our own fault for visiting Joshua's grave so seldom," said an upset Venter.

Phumzile Oliphant, municipal spokesperson, said "it was in any case not the municipality's responsibility to see that the right tombstones were put on the right graves".

"The family buys a grave from us, and what happens after that is up to them and the funeral director."

Gilbert had meanwhile determined that another funeral director had in fact placed the Mack tombstone on the wrong grave. Apparently its removal has been requested.

More graves tampered with

"But we're still not sure if it is in fact Joshua's grave," Gilbert said.

"Because the municipality couldn't help us all the surrounding graves will now have to be tampered with to check which one is nine feet deep."

Dr Dolf Müller, a Port Elizabeth psychologist said the worst part was that the family's mourning could not take place as usual.

"The drama around the funeral, the absence of closure and the feeling of helplessness about the municipality's incompetence could give rise to stress and depression."

Gilbert said he would do everything possible this week to help the Toerien family put their son Ewan to rest as soon as possible.

Ewan's mother was too upset to talk to Die Burger.

- Die Burger