Hawks named by child
2009-07-10 11:33
Hayibo.com - The new South African crime-fighting unit formed to replace the Scorpions has
been named 'the Hawks' after all the other more impressive superhero names were
taken. According to a police spokesman, the name was the brainchild of Dirkie
'Dikderm' Wentzel, 9, whose extensive knowledge of superheroes and limited grasp
of English produced 'Hawks'.
At a media briefing this morning Wentzel was
introduced to the Hawks and given a strawberry SterriStumpi for his creative
efforts.
Wentzel said he was very proud to have contributed, and hoped
that his actions would help convince the residents of his neighbourhood in
Bloemfontein Industria West that comics were not Satanist tracts and could be
used for good.
However, he said he wished he had been given more time to
remember the English words for things.
"I think I meant something like
'the Darkwing Eagle Vengeance Force'," he said. "But I was a flustered because
my English are not very good. I always mix up 'he has' and 'he have', and so I
was nervous, and they had really big guns, plus they said I would get a
SterriStumpi, so I just said 'Hawks' and ran away."
But police spokesman
Pinkerton Hlope said that the name was perfect.
He said the unit had
spent the previous day brainstorming names but that many of these were unusable.
"The hot favourites amongst the guys were 'the Supermen', 'the Batmen',
'the Spidermen', 'the Iron Men' and 'the Incredible Hulks'," said
Hlope.
"We also had 'the MacGyvers', 'the Magnum P.I.s' and 'the
Airwolves'.
"By the time we started coming up with things like 'the
Waltons' and 'the Wombles' we knew needed to outsource the name."
He said
that the new unit would be known as a "crime-fighting force", mainly to
distinguish itself from the regular police service which is currently not a
crime-fighting force.
However, he said that the force would further
differentiate itself from the regular SAPS by its uniform, which would be
body-hugging costumes covered in insulating feathers, facemasks featuring a
titanium beak – "for pecking their way out of tight spots" – and adamantium
talons extending from their fingertips so that the Hawks could "leave their
trademark H-slash in the shirtfronts of criminals".
He would neither
confirm nor deny that police officers in their 30s have already begun referring
to the unit as the Chesney Hawks, because they will also only be arresting once
a decade.
For more satirical news visit www.hayibo.com
More from
Hayibo
Swazi King threatens to
marry innocent bystanders as Obama lands in Africa
DA Youth League wants Bethany Smyth-Fourie nationalized
Nurses and patients relieved that compulsively heroic army
medics gone