Johannesburg

Friday

More sun than clouds. Warm.

15°C
28°C

7 day forecasts

Canada shocked to learn Huntley wasn't last white in SA

2009-09-01 15:00

Hayibo.com - Immigration authorities in England have warned Canada to expect a deluge of young, unemployable, white  South Africans to arrive in their country after an immigration and refugee panel, made up of white folk who had never been to Africa, bought into former Cape Town resident Brandon Huntley's paranoia and granted him refugee status. "There won't be enough pubs and restaurants in Vancouver and Toronto to employ them all," said an unnamed Home Office source.

On Monday Huntley became the first white person to be granted refugee status in Canada after claiming persecution from black South Africans.

Commenting on the ruling a Huntley's friend, Hannibal Plettervat said, "Brandon was mugged several times by black people. It was a clear case of persecution. They also called him names."

Asked how muggings could be equated to political or racial persecution Plettervat said he didn't know. "But you can ask the tribunal," he said, "they'll be able to tell you."

Asked what Huntley was likely to do now that he was legally free to stay in Canada, Plettervat said his friend would probably spend another few years there, at least until he had qualified for a passport and saved some valuable foreign currency.

He said that once those initial objectives had been achieved Huntley would probably return home to South Africa, buy a house or a small farm and settle down. "You know, the usual."

Meanwhile members of the tribunal panel who ruled that "the claimant would stand out like a 'sore thumb' due to his colour in any part of the country,” reacted with shock on hearing that there were in fact a further five million white South Africans still suffering daily persecution.

"We thought that maybe there were another hundred white people left," said tribunal spokesperson Alba Snow. "We were ready to send a helicopter to airlift them to safety," she added.

Snow admitted that evacuation plans had been put on hold after video footage of Patricia Lewis live in Brakpan had been downloaded from YouTube. "The only person that stood out like a sore thumb in that video was a black sound engineer who looked like he was bleeding out of both ears," she said.

She said the tribunal realised they had it all wrong when further investigation revealed that places like Loftus Versfeld, Constantia and the opposition benches in parliament also contained, "more than their fair share of whites."

For more satirical news visit www.hayibo.com

More from Hayibo:
Television trained doctors not the real thing warn SAMA
South Africans thank District 9 makers for new insights into xenophobia
SA government says oil-for-food scandal a major improvement on last scandal

Read more on:    hayibo

inside news24

Weather
Traffic
Lottery
Cpt: 16-27°C Sunny. Warm. Pta: 18-30°C Tstorms late. More sun than clouds. Pleasantly warm.
Jhb: 15-28°C More sun than clouds. Warm. Bloem: 15-32°C Sunny. Pleasantly warm.
Dbn: 18-20°C A few showers. Decreasing cloudiness. Cool. PE: 15-21°C Mostly sunny. Mild.
7 day forecasts...

Jobs - Find your dream job

Statistics Analyst

Gauteng - Johannesburg
MC²

MANAGER: DECISION SUPPORT SYSTEMS

Western Cape - Cape Town
Quiglies Solutions

SharePoint Administrator

Gauteng - Johannesburg
Quiglies Solutions

Cars - Search 1000's of new and used cars

AUDI

2009 Audi A3 2.0 T Sportback Manual - 24000kms
Lava Grey & Tan leather interior
R 275 000

VOLKSWAGEN

Golf 5 2.0 GTi DSG 5-dr
2005
R 169,995.00

RENAULT

Twingo 1.6 Renault Sport 3-dr
2009
R 195,000.00

KIA

Sportage 2.0 AT
2007
R 165,000.00

Property - Find a new home

WATERVAL EAST

Single Residential R2,400,000

KWAAIWATER

Single Residential R2,500,000

WELBEDACHT

Single Residential R2,600,000

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Luxury bush escape

Book a five-star stay at Pumba Game Lodge or Richard Branson's Ulusaba Safari Lodge and save R2 000. More details!

Free Games - TOO MUCH NEWS? TAKE A BREAK!

Kalahari.net - shop online today

Great Festive Savings on Books

Up to 30% Off ALL Books. 2.3 million titles on SALE.

Sleek New iPod Range. Order Your's Now!

iPod nano 16GB - Black, Was R2,499.00 Now R2,299.00! Save R200!

Up to 40% off Fabulous Festive Flicks

46 000 DVDs and Blu-Ray on sale now! Pre-order Up and District 9!

Up to 20% off ALL Music

100s of festive new releases now in stock! Now, Bump 25, Bon Jovi & more!

1000s of Festive Toys on Sale

Lots of Toys, free gift wrap, lowest prices on Lego Mindstorm, Ben 10, Hannah Montana & more!

Hot Deal of the Day!

Wii Limited Edition Black

Was R3,150.95 Now R2,899.95

Designed to attract people, regardless of their age or video game experience, to sit down & play together!

Up to 40% Off Sale on All Books, Toys, CDs, DVDs & Games!