Ask Sis Dolly: Controlling Ben 10

By Drum Digital
22 April 2016

Controlling Ben 10

I’m 45 and in love with a guy who is younger than me. We’ve been together for four years now.

He has a girlfriend who lives with him and I have a husband.

I cheat with him because he has more time for me than my husband does. I’m confused and don’t know what to do as I also don’t want to lose both of them.

My boyfriend checks up on my whereabouts all the time and I must report everything I do to him. Sometimes he doesn’t give me permission to do what he doesn’t approve of. He always tells me he loves me and we’ll be together until death us do part.

The danger is I love him more than I love my husband and father of two of my children.

I really need help to decide here because I’m confused.

Sis Dolly Answers

The danger is that you’re having an affair with a man and allowing him to control your life.

He is completely enjoying your dependency on him and that he can control you even though you’re married to another man.

You, on the other hand, are enjoying the control because it ignites some excitement in you that you think indicates love.

Pushed a little bit further you could be in a Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission (BDSM) relationship.

The difference is that you are both subconsciously playing out a version of those roles, but not making a conscious choice and owning your individual and

joint behaviour.

At the very least, call this what it is: you selfishly wanting this younger lover and to still be married to your husband, who clearly also has a function and place in your life.

And you get some kind of a thrill by being controlled.

It’s unfair to cheat on someone – if you can’t figure out what to do and are scared of losing either your husband or your lover, get professional counselling before it’s too late.

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