Ask Sis Dolly: He says I'm the one

By Drum Digital
28 January 2016

I met with a guy when he pressed the wrong number on WhatsApp. He is 48 and his wife died in a car accident two years ago.

He has two teenagers and I’m a single mother, also of a teenager. We started dating after long chats over the phone.

We both live in Joburg but its always difficult for him to meet with me.The excuse he gives me is that, since he is from theroyal family, we can’t meet.

Both of us have to have sex with different people whom we don’t love, and sweat to take away theisinyama (bad luck).

When I ask him what that has to do with me because I’m not the one who lost a partner, he insists that it’s his culture as a Tswana royal man and the next chief.

As much as I love this man, I feel disrespected and have to obey whatever he tells me. He says the lobola negotiations are on hold because of my stubbornness. I told him to move on because I won’t do it.

He says he’ll wait because I’ve been chosen by his ancestors. Please help in allthis confusion.

Sis Dolly asks:

It’s not clear if you do meet in person,just infrequently, or if you’ve never met at all.

Your accidental meeting over social media, his claims of high status and his refusal to let you see him raise red flags that this may be a scam. Has he ever asked you for money? He seems to be trying to manipulate you.

Assuming he’s sincere then, royal or not, I don’t understand why he needs you to jump through hoops, or why he can’t meet up with you. For me, it all sounds too much: just too many demands, a lot of evasion and too little clarity. If you’re already concerned,confused and anxious, how much more will you be when you get married?

He’s welcome to wait if he considers you to be chosen, but you equally have the right to do what is right for you and move on.

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