Ask Sis Dolly: long-lost dad is back

By Drum Digital
13 May 2014

Andipha asks: I’m 21 and my father left us when I was six years old. Now he wants to come back into our lives and make peace. I recently found out he’s HIV-positive but I don’t understand why he wants to be part of our lives again. Should I forgive him?

Sis Dolly answers:  If your father wants to makeamends for deserting you, thenyou should give him anotherchance. After all, we all deservea second chance. I’m sure you’rebitter and angry with him forabandoning you, all the more soif he didn’t contribute financiallywhile you were growing up or toyour future.But he has a life-threateningdisease, so he probably doesn’twant any loose ends in hislife even though he’s probably taking ARVs and monitoring his health closely. If he asks for forgiveness, I suggest you take a deep breath and give it to him. You will feel better if you do.

That doesn’t mean you can’t let him know how you feel about his actions and behaviour. Have a heart-to-heart with him and clear the air. Ask him why he wants to come back to his family. Does he expect you to take care of him? What are his motives? Use this as an opportunity to get to know him and build a relationship with him. If it doesn’t work out, then at least you know you tried your best. If you don’t give him a second chance you might come to regret it.

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