Ask Sis Dolly: my dad is unsupportive

By Drum Digital
13 April 2016

I’m 22, have a three-month-old daughter and live with my parents.

I’m 22,  have a three-month-old daughter and live with my parents. My dad is mad at me for having a baby at this age – one day he’s fine, the next he’s shouting.

My home life is terrible. I understand his anger but I matriculated in 2011, have a diploma and I’ m working. I do everything for my child. He doesn’t want her father to visit us, instead I have to sneak behind his back.

When my boyfriend’s parents came over to try settle everything according to tradition, my father sent his uncles to meet them instead of going himself. Now he’s mad, saying they came only to see the baby without bringing any money. He drinks a lot and likes to cause a scene and this affects the family.

My mother has to choose sides and my sisters get yelled at for my mistakes. He never looks at or holds my daughter either. I feel miserable and want to move out, but I want to build a house for my mom first.

Should I stay, avoid him and continue sneaking around, or should I move out? I won’t be able to build a house and pay rent at the same time.

Sis Dolly Answers

You need to talk to your mother about how to help your father and how you can all work together to bring peace. Your father might just need time to adjust.

I can understand his disappointment and that he doesn’t want you to make the same mistake twice, or your sisters to do the same thing. But his drunken and abusive behaviour is not acceptable. Raising a child on your own is difficult. You won’t have support if you move out. Your child is too young for you to make such a decision. Ask your mother to talk to your dad when he is calm.

Reassure him you’re building a life and even though you have a child, you don’t intend to have another.

Make sure you are having protected sex and focus on your child and your dreams of building a house and supporting your family.

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